Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

What’s your favorite class to teach?

That’s a difficult question because it really depends.

A lot depends on what person is bottoming to the class.  A fun bottom can make a class more like I scene where I have invited the class in to my scene (of course, I include education and safety – it’s not totally just fun and games).

A lot depends on who is in the class.  I like attendees who react and participate.  The toughest class I ever taught was Sensory Deprivation to a group of Pro Dommes.  Usually I have a lot of audience participation in that class, but very few of them wanted to be in a hood.  They did not want to miss any of the class!

A lot depends on what I have been teaching lately.  I am fortunate to have a class list that is very varied so that I don’t get bored.  I don’t like the events where they ask you to teach the same class twice.

March is Question Month.  You can ask your question here, but the Babeland contest is over.

This year, South Plains Leatherfest asked five people to deliver mini-keynote speeches.  I was honored to join with Mark Frazier, Midori, Master Skip and Master Larry on the podium.  This is a pared down version of what I said.  I did quite a bit of ad-libbing and the speech was longer, but this is the general gist of it.

When I was first asked to teach at South Plains Leatherfest, I was very flattered because the line-up at this event is incredible. One of the best bunch of presenters out there. Of course, I was, and still am, positively thrilled.

There are a bunch of reasons that I like to teach. I like to travel and meet people. I like to pass on the knowledge that I have learned. Also, teaching, for me, is part of the process that allows me to learn.

But there is another reason. It’s a bit of a secret. I am a little bit shy. I have a tough time meeting people and talking to people. I thought that teaching would be a good way to put myself out there and attract people to me. It worked in the beginning. However, I fear now that it is backfiring.

Let me tell you a true story. I was at an event a short while ago. A woman told me that someone was in service to her at that event *precisely* because she had been inspired by one of my classes, where I had spoken about a certain type of service. Details don’t really matter. But the woman told me that she (let’s call her Jane)… Jane was too timid to approach me and talk to me about it.

Well, this kind of sucks. I don’t try to be intimidating. So, that weekend, I went out of my way to be approachable and friendly to Jane. And, finally, on the last day of the event she spoke to me about it and we had a good conversation.

This story is rather typical of how things go. So, the point I am trying to make here is that presenters are a lot like everybody else. We come to an event like South Plains to learn, to play, to hang out with our friends and also to meet new people. So, please don’t be intimidated by us. Please don’t put us up on some false pedestal. We are just like you. Talk to us!

On Saturday night I went to Jack Restaurant, which is an “occasional” restaurant that sets up about one night per month at the Brooklyn Lyceum.  The chefs are Danielle Sucher and Dave Turner. She’s a lawyer and he’s a programmer and they do this on the side.  Every meal is different depending on what’s available and what they are in the mood to cook.

This month they hosted a special dinner that was inspired by Palimpsest by Cathrynne M. Valente.  She read a passage before every course and each course related to the food image in the passage.

Heartburgers with Tangerine Relish and Sage Pesto

Bulghur, Blood Orange, and Radish Salad

Tamales of Cocoa-Rubbed Ribs with Tobacco Blackberry Sauce

Plum Wine Brandied Quail, Fig Stuffing, Chard with Pickled Plums

Filet Mignon, Elephant Garlic, Honey Amber Wine, Roasted Marrow Bone

Hot Vanilla with Sassafras and Rum

Cocoa Nib Creme Caramel, Tempura Pears, Bay Foam, Mocha Sauce

Bamboo Gelee with Clementines and Cream

A Lump of “Opium” with Persimmon Tea Poured Over It

Cardamom Bay Leaf Fortune Cookies

My fortune: PigFucking slime-eater
This made me laugh; especially after getting the tattoo the night before.

Tea with Bondage Tea Bag

The food was delicious and I would love to go again with a group of friends.

Next weekend, I’ll be in San Francisco for The Citadel and IMsL One of these years, I’ll get to go to Night of a Thousand Gowns.

My friend, Deb Malkin, opened up Re/Dress, a fabulous new store in Brooklyn.  It specializes in vintage and used plus-size clothes.  It’s got a lot of stock and the staff is very friendly and helpful.

The prices are great.  I bought a bunch of new clothes including this coat.

Deb is also involved with the Fat Girl Flea Market.  Next one is April 4th at The Center.  I’m going for sure!

I’m a hetreo man, mid-30s with a fetish and not able to find any partners. Just read “the Other Side of Desire”. One thing they say in the book again and again is that virtually everyone with a paraphillia is a male. I suppose that would explain my inability to find anyone. In your experience do you think that is true? Could you give a gestimate as to the number of women in different fetishes.

Yes, I also believe that most people with a paraphillia or fetish are male.  You do not say what you fetish is, but if you are looking for a woman with the exact same fetish that you have, it is like looking for a needle in a haystack.  Almost totally impossible.

However, I really do not think you should be disheartened by this.  You can still have a healthy relationship that satisfies your fetish.  You have to be a well-rounded person who is willing to share many interests with your partner – both in and out of the bedroom.  If you can do the things your partner enjoys and get her off the way she likes to get off, she should be willing to do the things you want to do, too.

What you need to find is someone who is what Dan Savage calls GGG.  “GGG stands for ‘good, giving, and game,’ which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think ‘good in bed,’ ‘giving equal time and equal pleasure,’ and ‘game for anything—within reason.’”

The mistake many fetishists make is that they are solely focused on their own fetish.  It is a huge turn-off if a fetishist sees a woman only as a fetish object.  However, if fetish play is incorporated as a part of a scene or love-making, she can enjoy this either because she wants to reciprocate or because she will find that she enjoys it, too.  She may just enjoy it on a different level than you.

March is question month. You can ask your question and enter my Babeland contest here.

On March 13th, TheTrainingofO.com will be broadcasting a LIVE one-of-a-kind dinner party where members will join Peter Acworth, the Kink.com directors, Dominatrix Maitress Madeline and Guest of Honor Laura Antoniou (author of The MarketPlace Series) as they welcome the first official trainees that have petitioned The House to enter the Slave Class of Service on The Upper Floor, Kink.com’s upcoming 24/7 reality space.

Access to the standard-definition video is FREE to all users at no cost.

Subscribers will have the chance to put applicants Satine Phoenix, and Cherry Torn to the ultimate test, and help decide whether or not they deserve to be admitted to service. Members will also have the opportunity to participate in an initiation ceremony should any of the trainees prove worthy of service. To view the high-definition video and participate in the live chat, users must have a Training of O subscription membership. This event will be hot! The LIVE show is happening this Friday, March 13th 5-11pm PST

Sign up for a free Kink.com account to access the standard-definition video at no cost.

I have heard so many good things about the Suspension parties, but I’m either out of town or need to get up early the next day.  But now they are starting at 9pm.  I plan to go to the next one on March 29th.

High end kinky retailer Kiki De Montparnasse sells these Smith & Wesson gold-plated handcuffs for $350.

But, if you can forgo the chain and the complimentary fancy gift wrap, you can buy the same cuffs for $89.99 from Handcuff Warehouse.    They also offer personalized laser etching for an extra $3!

Yeah, this is really whiney.  Of course I miss you.  But, really, what I am I supposed to do about it?  If you came and visited me, there’d be rope and spanking and bootblacking.  And we would hang out and cuddle.

March is question month. You can ask your question and enter my Babeland contest here.