Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

I went to the TES Halloween party and I tied up Kate. Every time I play with that girl, it’s good, real good. She’s enthusiastic and she is easy to read.

So, I do not usually write about other people’s scenes but this is too funny. There’s this girl at the party and she made it sound like she was getting beaten to death or something. The top is a skilled player, so I wasn’t worried about her at all. She is screaming at the top and berating him and insulting him, cursing him. She’s pretty loud and some people complain that she should be gagged. I have no problem with that kind of noisiness. I love the sounds of the dungeon, the cries, moans, thwacks. What I intensely dislike is plain talk and giggling about vanilla stuff – that is distracting and not sexy.

Anyway, she is hurling these epithets and at one point says the funniest thing, “I’m a good girl. I watch PBS.”
And, I just want to walk over there and pull her hair and ask, “When is the last time you sent in a donation?”
But I don’t do that because that would be bad etiquette.

Bearsir commented to me in my Sex and Dishes post where I discussed my idea of a fuckbuddy.

He said, “This is interesting; I have been writing a lot recently about the sense, culturally that there is this dichotomy about sex: either you have monogamous, partnered sex or you’re having casual, anonymous sex. My sense, though, is that a /lot/ of us are looking for something in between – fond sex, sex with someone with whom we can build some intimacy and trust, but not with a goal of partnership, and not within the recognized boundaries of “romantic love” that Hallmark recognizes.”

Bingo! And I have been thinking a lot about this. As I said before I do not want to be in a committed relationship in order to have sex. But really I do want sex with someone(s) where we can learn each other, explore and have fun. It’d the kind of sex that gets better with time.

One thing I have been thinking a lot about is that Joseph Bean said that one should not fuck (or play) without love. And he certainly is not talking about romantic love. He says, “Love can take many forms, but the very ground from which it springs is the demand one places on oneself to please and do what is good for the other person.”

Oddly, that is exactly what my parents explained to me about love.

I discussed this with Jefferson. He liked what Joseph has to say, but opined, “Too bad that [the quote’s] focus on giving omits the selfish joy of loving.”

Hmm… He’s right. I cum when I am being “selfish” or just concentrating on my pleasure. If I didn’t do that I would never get off. When I explain that to Jefferson, he says, “… but I really do get off on other people’s orgasms.” And, gee, me too. OK, so that helps me rationalize my piggy self.

Bearsir goes on to say, “The problem (it seems to me) is that we don’t know how to talk about it well – it’s not a prelationship style that we have good cultural models for, so we’re reluctant to ask for it or want it, and have a hard time negotiating the boundaries of it because we’re always starting from scratch (or at least it seems like it).”

Well, I am using the tools that I have learned in my SM travels and applying them here. These are tools such as communication, seduction, patience, building trust and a little bit of negotiation. And as far as models, all my fuckbuddy relationships are different (just like all my play relationships are different), so there is not one cookie-cutter model.

But I got a problem. Love. The word creeps me out. I understand what Joseph and my parents have said about love and it works for me and what I look for in a fuckbuddy. But the word, just the word, is so loaded. I don’t want to use that word. But then, I don’t have to use the word. I can just shut up and fuck. Or better yet, a gag can work, too.

sexblogs, sex blogs

Waiting is sexy. Don Quixote and I had scheduled our assignation three weeks ago. This has kept me anticipating, yearning, fantasizing and wet with desire. So, I have been jerking off a lot. And it seems the more I jerk off, well, just the more I want to jerk off. More. More. More.

So, now I can take this opportunity to talk about my new vibrator. After many years of faithful service, my beloved Hitachi Magic Wand died. This was the best sex toy I ever had and the only toy that could give me that rockem sockem big orgasm, especially when paired simultaneously with penetrating one or more of my holes. So, I bought a new vibe and it is a Accuvibe. Of course, they don’t think it’s a sex toy; it’s a “massager.”

Why did I change brands? Can the Acuvibe be as good as the Hitachi? Yeah, it is just as good. The bonus feature is that it is cordless and rechargeable. That means I can use it in a dungeon or even outside and not have to worry about an outlet or an extension cord. It also seems to stay charged long enough, too.

I still have to try this out while being fucked, but in solo tests, it’s doing real well.

Note: I have not been paid to endorse this product. I didn’t even get a free sample.

Don Quixote and I run into each other at various gatherings and events. He is friends with friends who are friends with friends of mine. Most often one or the other of us is busy and unable to attend. The sightings are merely occasional.

He is so beautiful that I am unable to look at him. I sneak glances. Additionally his manner of dress, although not typically fetish, excites me. I get shy and feel awkward in his presence. I never imagine that my interest could possibly be reciprocated.

We read each other’s LJ’s. One day he posts that he is bored at the office and would like people to post fantasies in his LJ. The posts would be screened for privacy. On a lark, I write a perfect little fantasy. This fantasy was appreciated and he recently admitted to me that he still thinks of it.

I never (well, hardly ever) post these memes myself, but a few months later, at the urging of Boymeat, I post one. DQ responds and lays out various scenarios. His post is open, sincere and plausible. It’s June and I am swamped and don’t respond. But it’s not just that I am busy. I think I was also not ready.

Once again I gotta say Dark Odyssey changed me. Well, no, let me say that Dark Odyssey provided the venue that allowed me to make explorations for change. I went through this transformation without attending any classes or participating in any of the rituals. Funny, nicht?

I think the time spent with both Marcus and Jefferson was profound. They were just being themselves and not actually trying to affect any change in me. I believe that they were the catalysts which gave me the impetus and the courage to seek fuckbuddies.

After camp, I immediately thought of DQ as a potential fuckbuddy and wrote to him with a first draft of what I sought in a fuckbuddy. I told him that I thought he would be a good fuckbuddy. DQ responded enthusiastically and we planned a date for three weeks out. He’s busy like me and has scheduling skills.

I have been spending the three weeks fantasizing about him. The fantasies are more sensual than sexual. I want to look at him, to smell him and to touch his hair, skin, body. I want to feel my body against his. That’s what I need first.

It was the late night show at Cinekink and I sat between Dude and Dudette. I enjoyed the movie and had my hand stuck down Dudette’s pants the whole time. I fiddled with her enormous clit.

At the end of the movie, she turned to me, “You’re coming home with us.”
I thought for a second about my agenda for the next day.
“Lolita, I’m dominant. You’re coming home with us.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
“Okay, ma’am.”
She was pleased.
Dude shepherded us out of the theater and into a cab.

We entered the apartment.
“Lolita, take off your clothes.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I took off my sweater. Dude grabbed it and put it on. He rubbed his torso and enjoyed the warmth and the texture. Dudette liked how I kept saying “Yes, ma’am.” Easy enough.

Dudette sat on the bed. I opened her jeans and began to pull them off.
“Lolita….”
I knelt to her cunt and pulled her clit into my mouth. She moaned and I stuck my fingers into her wet cunt, working it.
“Lolita, I want to tie up your tits.”
“Yes, ma’am, in a bit.”
It’s all about having the proper attitude. I continue working on her. And she came.

She has me lie on the bed. Apparently the pleasure I gave her outweighed my delayed obedience. She began to tie my chest with a long length of dark green rope. Dude strapped leather cuffs to my wrists and fastened them over my head. They moved on either side of me each one pinning down one of my legs, each latched onto one of my nipples, sucking, biting, pulling, hurting me. I enjoy being double teamed like this and the nipple torture goes right to my pussy. I grinded my hips into Dudette.

Then they put nipple clamps on me and Dudette climbed up and straddled me.
“So tell me, Lolita, what are your hard limits?”
“Wha…?”
I can’t believe she is asking me this now. I am writhing and wanting. I am neurosmitten, that state of arousal where all I want to say is yes. Or, in this case, yes, ma’am.
“Your hard limits, Lolita.”
“Um…” Words fail me.
“Like, can we do a cutting on you?”
“No body modifications!”
I don’t believe this. It’s 2am and they are both a bit drunk and I am neurosmitten (I am using that word again because I made it up and I’m excited about my new word). Nobody is thinking straight, and a cutting is just not the thing you do when you go home with somebody for the first time.

“We can be very edgy. We can knock you out, put you under.”
I finally figure out what to say to her.
“Remember, we switch!”
“No, we don’t.”
“Yes, we do.”
“No.”
In fact, I have topped her. I don’t argue with this fantasy of hers. She should have gotten the point. Dude observes, “I think she is getting out of the zone.” Yes, but I am so aroused and I focus and struggle to stay in that neurosmitten zone.

Dudette got out the strap-on. She had never used it before. She only recently had her first experience with “lesbian sex.” She fucked me well, but tired soon. “This is really difficult.” Dude explained to her that she does not need to use her entire body to fuck and that she should just thrust with her hips. He put on the strap-on and demonstrated. I was happy to be fucked for her education.

Dudette announces that she is sleepy. They take me out of the bondage and we go to sleep, me in the middle.

In the morning, Dude makes me breakfast.
“Do you need any aftercare?” he asked.
I smiled, “I think these chocolate chip pancakes are the perfect aftercare.”

I am teaching at TES on Tuesday night. Here’s the blurb:

Tuesday 10/24
TES Program: Building Trust with Lolita

How is it that one person allows another to take control over them? Before such a potent agreement is forged between adults, trust needs to exist. Trust can be built up in a number of ways. Come, learn and put to use the communication skills and honorable actions that go hand in hand on the road to complete and total trust.

Doors open at 7:30, no early arrivals, please! Meeting starts at 8pm.
260 West 36th Street 3rd Floor, NYC Between 7th and 8th Avenues
$4 for members of TES and other SM/leather orgs, $8 for all others.

I wanted something and I asked for it. Straight up asked. No hinting. No beating around the bush. Just asked, very straightforward. And I got what I wanted. Wow!

Of course, I am delighted, but why am I surprised? I see it happen all the time. I myself say yes to others when asked. I even teach this stuff. So, why can’t I believe it applies to me as well? Do I feel that perhaps I don’t deserve it? That I am not worthy?

Where do these feelings come from? Past disappointments? My upbringing? Sure, but also from various other factors. A few months ago, a person close to me scolded me about my acting “entitled.” It hit me hard and it was painful. I did a lot of work coping with my feelings around that.

People get what they deserve. Call it karma or the totality of one’s actions accumulating to balance out to what is right. I try to live a life of honor and I try to be considerate. I can ask for what I want. I may not always get it, but for sure I will never get it if I don’t ask for it. Whatever “it” may be.

I’m still feeling lucky.

Jenny was in town for Cinekink. Jenny is cute and loves sex and she thinks I am hot. Woo hoo!
“So, what do you have planned for tomorrow?”
“Shopping.”
“You should come with me for an hour or so to have sex with Jefferson before you go shopping.”
“Who is Jefferson again?”
“He’s Marcus’ boyfriend. You may have met him at camp. Trust me.”

So, later that night, I shoot off an email to Jefferson:
I have a surprise for you. I want you to answer the door blindfolded. Don’t worry about the neighbors.

It’s 10:15am when we knock on Jefferson’s door. (Very early for a nooner, but Jefferson had decided that we need more time together.) The door swings open and Jefferson is behind it wearing a blindfold and a big grin. I shut the door behind us, kiss him and quietly lead him into the living room. He has no idea what is going on until we both start touching him. “Oh, you have grown another set of hands.”

We lead him into the bedroom. I strip Jefferson. Jenny gets naked and plops on the bed. I position him up against the wall. I had bought him a little present, a pocket knife, from my Portland trip and I was eager to use it. I stood behind him and held the knife not far from his ear so that he could hear the unmistakable sound as it clicked open. I watched his body language. Nothing. Well, duh, he doesn’t know that sound. I realize that maybe he hasn’t played with knives. It’s time to introduce him to that and I slide the knife across his skin. Now, I think he has figured it out. I run the knife down his back slowly and he moans but is very still. I run it up his leg and he gasps. He will remember that click in the future.

I lead him to the bed and he finds Jenny’s naked body. He explores her with his hands and mouth. He is pleased with what he finds. She encourages him and he tells her that he will fuck her. I rip open a condom packet and slide it on his hard cock and he begins to fuck her. “I’ve never fucked anyone whom I have never seen before.” That’s so perverse and so hot. After a while, he rips off the blindfold and smiles at Jenny, “Hi, nice to meet you.”

I am totally enjoying this. “I wanted to see Jefferson fuck someone else before I let him fuck me.”
Jefferson continues fucking Jenny and explains, “The audition process to fuck Lolita is very difficult. And there’s forms, credit reports, it’s exasperating!”

I am laughing. This is funny. Jefferson is my fuckbuddy and we still haven’t actually fucked! Not that this is any kind of issue for either of us. We have been very busy having fun with other orgasm-producing activities.

Jenny has a great sense of timing and leaves after an hour. Jefferson and I fuck and it’s amazing.

On the walk home, I call my girlfriend. For over a mile, she regales me with tales of her Hawaii trip. Finally I get to ask, “So, when was the last time you were fucked?”
“It’s been a while,” she admits.
“Okay, lemme see what I can do.”
“All right!”
My girlfriend knows she can trust me in these matters.

On the way to Pacific Friction, the airline lost my luggage. All I had was the clothes on my back and they felt grungy and inappropriate. I cruised the vendor area and found DieselFemme and bought a hot little slinky slip dyed a dark gray with a chain and a zipper and some studs. Very femme, really not my style at all. I do not think I am butch or femme. I ordinarily just kind of slide up and down the middle of that continuum. But in the spirit of stepping outside my box, I bought it and wore it Friday night.

This femme girl came and sat by me and was sympathetic.
“I like your outfit.”
“I just bought this here with a coupon!” I quipped, “The airline lost my luggage.”
“That’s terrible about your luggage. So, you don’t have any of your makeup or anything.”
“Huh? Makeup? I don’t really wear any makeup.”
She looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo and moved away.

During the rest of the evening, I was hit on by butch tops and only butch tops. Some of them I had met before and had never shown any interest until I was wearing this stupid outfit. They came on to me with this gleam in their eyes. I felt like prey. Oy! I was way further out of my box than I ever wanted to be. And not interested.

My luggage arrived after 1am. I was happy to be back in my camouflage pants and T-shirts.

Photo by Brian Van

See the Tuesday night Cinekink review on Fleshbot with a photo of me spanking a hot girl!