Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

On Saturday I marched in Slut Walk. NYPD estimates that there were over 3000 people marching. Here are some of my photos.

Welcome to e[lust] – Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #30? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feedfor updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Evidence To The Contrary – If anyone out there ever tries to tell you that internet relationships and friendships are not real, point them in my direction and I will happily set them straight on the matter because I have proof, in fact I am proof, that they know not what they speak of.

Open Marriages Don’t Work….– The only way I would agree with that statement is if you add: …..if you’re marriage already has problems.  But even that part is not universally true.

Love in the Age of Broadband – What happened to our ability to keep it casual? Why would we attach ourselves to someone who is (often) hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away? And, more to the point, why would we attach ourselves to someone we have never met?

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Ask Lilly – Open and Polyamorous: Why be married at all?

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Ask Aunty Dee: Dental Dams
born this way…
Clit Truth
Condoms and Size
Lies & Infidelities
Misguided Dominance
Poly Language
Return to Decadence
Step Inside My Head
Who was the first person you told..
When Bad Things Happen To Good People – Warning Bells

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

To Be Out Or Not To Be Out
Want Sado-Erotic Horror Movies? Yes please! Films by Matthew Saliba
What I’ve Learned From E[Lust]

Kink & Fetish

A Much Needed Distraction
Another drink?
Caged
Facing Fear
Negotiation Win

Erotic Writing

As Long As It Lasts
Asking For It
Anticipation
Blow Job
Campfire
Debra’s Gift
Feral
Fantasy
June’s Caning
Please, Please, Please, Sir
Showers and Strawberries
slick
The Visitor
The Play Fight

Isis Love, Marco Banderas, Mckenzie Lee and Katie Summers on EverythingButt.com

Back in July I wrote about the new collar for Don Quixote which we have dubbed “The Collar of Complication.” I’ve wanted to post a clean version of it. It’s made of rings that are gunmetal in color, except for one ring that is gold. Most people don’t notice the “mistake,” but we know it’s there and we asked for it to be put in there.

We were inspired by the Islamic tapestries we saw at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Apparently Islamic artists make a deliberate error in their work because they believe only God is perfect. The collar has nothing to do with God, but it does represent that our relationship is not perfect.

Celebrating the imperfection of our relationship sure does take a lot of pressure off us.

Welcome to e[lust] – Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #29 (Which will be in September, taking a short summer break)? Start with therules and subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for updates and submission reminders.

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

What makes me a woman? – It’s a stumper, this question. There must be something that makes me a woman. Something more than how I am perceived by others as I walk down the street.  But what is the answer?

Baggage: An Inventory – Everyone brings bags with them. My goal is to carry my own bags. I’ll let people help me shed them, but I will never let them carry them. Those bags are my own to, well, own.

There’s pain and then there’s pain (and then there’s pain) –Part of what I crave in the second type of pain is the selfish sadism of the partner who continues despite my pleas. He does it because it arouses him, and he does it because I’ll endure it for him.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

What Is Gender? – Playing with dolls and preferring the color pink doesn’t make you a girl anymore than chewing on a bone makes you my dog.

~ e[lust] Editress: Dangerous Lilly ~

Sex Toys: Single or Partnered, there is no shame in owning them – There’s no fucking shame in owning your sexuality, in taking control of your own damn orgasm. Can you PREFER human contact and partnered sex to sex toys? Sure. You can prefer whatever the fuck you want. But don’t insinuate to me that owning a lot of sex toys is somehow bad or shameful.

New Blogger Education Posts

Blog Design 101: Balancing Personal Style vs Readability
A Cautionary Word on Joining Affiliate Programs

Kink & Fetish

BDSM Day, an international recognition
BDSM Advice Series: Bondage Tape
Being a Brat Can Hurt
Caning, energy and romance
Screw roses! I enjoy playing with Thorns…
Working Girl

Erotic Writing

A Trip to the Toy Store
Can I get into your knickers now?
Coffee Break
early afternoon
Elevator Shaft
Fogged-up Windows
Fucking Eli
FWB
I’ll see you tonight…
One on One
Open By Night
Overtime
Rock Out With My Cock Out
Renewed Interest
Twenty/Fifty-Three
that little fucking game changer [part I]
the weekend away – Sunday

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Death By Bondage
Hypocrite, PA-Rant!
kink labels….is there a place for me? (or someday my kink will come)
Things I Looove Thursday

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Ask PolyAnna: Multiple partners?? Safer sex??
Are My Nipples Getting The Correct Signals?
Evolution
More Pussy Pride – The Perfect Vagina
My Take On Masculinity
Rambling Harlot: On Internet Dating and Shyness
Sex and Catholic Schools
Sex And Disability: Starting the Dialogues

Parker London and Bobbi Starr on DivineBitches.com

People have been talking about Guy Baldwin’s keynote at the NLA conference in Houston. In that speech Guy talks about how important it is to be out and that the leaders in our community should not be hiding behind scene names. And he makes a point that the gay leaders in our community use their real names while the het leaders hide behind pseudonyms. Guy is always a powerful speaker and is always worth a listen.

I sat with a friend not long ago at an event. This was a guy who has put a lot of sweat equity into the community. He is an author, educator and Pantheon Award winner. He’s been a titleholder, board member, done fundraisers and produced leather contests. He’s a good solid citizen in our community. This friend had listened to Guy’s speech and felt berated because he is using a pseudonym.

Guy points out in his speech that the world is a very different place from the 1970’s and 1980’s. I agree. We live in a world where everybody googles. Employers do online searches and fire people. Former spouses use what they find online in child custody cases. These things really do happen. If there weren’t actual cases like this, we wouldn’t need organizations like NCSF.

My friend is a school teacher. Someone within the community actually threatened to out him. A kinky schoolteacher? This does not go over very well, especially in flyover country. He would lose his job for sure. We have seen these things happen even here in NYC.

Guy spoke of a psychological term, “integrated personality,” which means “that all the parts of one’s self fit together and mesh smoothly with all the other parts.” If being out causes you to lose your job, then your life will not mesh smoothly because you are not going to be able to pay your mortgage. Using a pseudonym most often causes less psychological stress than having your career go down the toilet.

For many people, having a pseudonym is not about being ashamed. It is a matter of survival. Some of the role models that I respect most used pseudonyms for part of their lives: Fledermaus aka Tony DeBlase. T.A. Feldwebel aka Harold Cox. These men (both gay) were influential leaders in our community, yet used scene names in the beginning.

It is often said that the BDSM community is about 20 years behind the Gay community in its fight for sexual freedoms. Gay people were very much victimized in many of the same ways kinky people are now. For gay men, it took the AIDS crisis to push them out of the closet. Many of them had nothing left to lose. Those two pressures made people take heart and come out, to conquer their fears. Straight kinky people are not yet in an equivalent position.

Everybody has to decide if and when they want to come out. And they have to decide how far to come out. What works for them? Being out does not have to be an all or nothing thing. There’s a lot of gray to play with. There are so many different types of leadership, so many ways to contribute to the community and to be a valuable member of our society. Not everybody has to be totally out.

To my friend, keep doing what you are doing. Stay active. Continue to write, teach and organize. Your leadership is important and valid. You are making a real difference in our community.

Sharrin Spector has 21 years of experience in piercing, scarification, branding body modifications. As owner of Pierce Ink, she has traveled all over the country and world as an artist and creating custom design body modifications. She is also an educator who is invited to events throughout the leather/kink BDSM community on many topics. If you have been thinking about getting a piercing, have a problem with an existing piercing or just want to learn more, Sharrin will be traveling to the east coast this summer to teach and set up appointments.

During Floating World in New Jersey from July 29-August 1, Sharrin will be teaching three classes – Kiss of Fire: Branding; Needle Bound – Merging Temporary and Permanent Piercing; and with her boy pat “I Love You Daddy”…When Service Comes in More Flavors!

If you are in the New York area and don’t make it to the weekend, Sharrin will be teaching Cutting and Suturing at Purple Passion on Monday, August 1 from 7:00pm-9:00pm. Sharrin will also be scheduling piercing appointments on Tuesday, August 2 from 12:00 -8:00pm at Purple Passion. These appointments fill up fast so please drop Sharrin an email to set up your appointment to discuss piercing and jewelry.

Before I found the Scene, the only place I really heard about bondage was in the newspapers when somebody died. I was strangely attracted to the bondage, but conversely, I was repelled by the death. I yearned for the hoods and the handcuffs, but I figured nice girls don’t do these things, and that if you do these things you die. I was never interested in dying.

So, once again I am dismayed to see this news story of a man who died in extreme bondage. It was determined to have been a consensual sex act. He was gagged with a dildo under a hood with a zipped up mouth and left chained lying face down on a water bed. That’s a precarious situation and he choked to death.

My one big rule: Don’t leave people in heavy bondage alone!

This August 3-7 I’ll be teaching at Rope Camp, a new outdoor event held in Northern Maryland. The line up of presenters is really incredible. I’ve been offered a $50 discount on the full event price for all my friends. To take advantage of this amazing deal all you have to do is enter this promotional code lolitarope when you register at http://ropecamp.org . I can’t wait to see you all there!

Don Quixote is wearing my collar. It’s not a slave collar. Nope! And it’s not a training collar. That’s not right either. It certainly ain’t the collar of consideration. Huh! And it sure as hell is not a collar of protection. Puh-lease!

We finally agreed that this is the collar of complication. And that seems about perfect for us.

And it does clean up nicely.