Okay, I’ll bite: Can you end up suffering from the Stockholm Syndrome when you have an intense monthly BDSM session with the same Pro Domme for years? Not about me, of course, but a friend.
First, take a look at the definition of Stockholm Syndrome. Stockholm Syndrome is a defense mechanism that allows a victim to survive a great amount of physical and/or emotional abuse. Once a victim is released, they usually condemn the people who did this to them.
So, I do not think the term Stockholm Syndrome would apply. Often clients develop a deep loyalty to a Pro Domme and the relationship can be mutually very rewarding. However, in an extreme case, a client could be taken advantage of or even be brainwashed by someone who does not have their best interests in mind. An example would be a recent case that I heard of: a financial domination scenario where the client never even met the Domme, received very little attention from her and was sending so much money to her that he went into financial ruin.
How are these monthly BDSM sessions affecting your friend? If he enjoys them or feels empowered by them, then don’t worry. But if these sessions “cause him a significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning,” then he’s got a problem and should see a therapist.
March is question month. You can ask your question here.
On Sunday March 8, a sexuality event like no other New York City has ever seen is being born. It is a full day of free interactive presentations and discussions about all things sexuality-related. It’s called KinkForAll, and anyone with something to contribute or with the desire to learn is welcome and invited to join. When you come, be prepared to share with others. When you leave, be prepared to share it with the world.
KinkForAll is an ad-hoc gathering born from the desire for people of the kink, queer, sex-positive and related communities to share and learn in an open environment. It is an intense event with discussions, presentations, and interaction from all participants. It is inspired by and based upon the BarCamp community.
Attendees must give a talk or a presentation, help with one, or otherwise volunteer/contribute in some way to support the event. All presentations are scheduled the day they happen. Prepare in advance (if you want to), but come early to get a slot on the wall. The people present at the event will select the demos or presentations they want to see.
You can learn more about what to expect or to participate, sign up for free on the KinkForAll New York City pre-registration page. There are already some fantastic presentation topics being discussed, including Audacia Ray discussing new media and sexuality rights activism and Sinclair Sexsmith on gender theory and identity development.
KinkForAll is open to everybody Sunday, March 8 from 10am to 5:30pm at The LGBT Center, Room 310 (at 208 West 13th Street, just west of 7th Ave). Its free!
March is Question Month. Feel free to ask anything you might want to know and I will endeavor to answer. Reply to this post. I am screening the questions so nobody but me will see who asked what.
This year, to make it more interesting, I am giving away a $20 Babeland Gift Card to some lucky questioner. While anyone from anywhere can ask a question, the Gift Card can only be sent within the U.S.
Questions can be asked all through the month of March. However, only questions asked before March 15 will be eligible to win the Gift Card.
Thank you to Babeland for allowing me to host this contest.
NCSF has been contacted by over a dozen concerned members of the BDSM community in New York about the arrests of dozens of professional Dominatrices in Manhattan that started in early 2008. The pro-Domme community in New York City, which has been a vibrant part of the BDSM community for decades, has been ravaged by these prosecutions for prostitution and for promoting prostitution, resulting in the closure of a number of pro-Domme houses.
NCSF contacted the Manhattan DA’s office in order to clarify what sort of “for-pay” BDSM activities are considered legal in New York State. On February 5th, Susan Wright, along with outside counsel, met with ADA Leroy Frazer and Lisa Friel, head of the Sex Crimes Unit, to get their legal opinion.
Pro-Dommes have traditionally considered their BDSM-for-pay to be legal. One case decided by a local misdemeanor court, People v. Georgia A., 163 Misc.2d 634 (Crim. Ct. Kings Co. 1994), supports this position, holding that “sado-masochistic acts such as domination, foot licking, spanking and submission” are not “sexual conduct” prohibited by the prostitution statute. However, that decision is not binding even on other misdemeanor courts, and Ms. Friel described it as “not worth the paper it was written on.” Also, as stated in Georgia A.:
“The term sexual conduct is not defined in the statute but has since been described in various cases. That conduct includes acts of masturbation, homosexuality, sexual intercourse, or physical contact of the person’s clothed or unclothed genitals, buttocks or a woman’s breast. ( People v Block, 71 Misc 2d 714 [1972].)”
According to ADA Frazer, their office does not make prosecution of pro-Dommes a priority. However, according to their interpretation of the law, any form of “payment in exchange for touching in an intimate place either over clothing or nude” would constitute prostitution. This includes any touching of the genitals, anus, and breasts.
Under Georgia A, certain BDSM activities such as humiliation, role-play, foot worship, D/s, service activities, and bondage were found to be exempt from the prostitution statute, as long as no other sexual activities were involved. Ms. Friel opined Georgia A is based on a misunderstanding of the scope of the prostitution statute and that “sexual conduct” should be defined as what is arousing to the participants, not what is arousing to the outside “vanilla” observer.
Therefore, activities such as flogging, CBT or genitoture, spanking, body worship and nipple torture, in addition to more overtly sexual activities, would fall within the Manhattan DA’s understanding of prostitution when they are done for pay and either party is aroused by them.
NCSF opposes the prosecution of pro-dominants under prostitution laws. Consenting adults engaging in safe, sane, consensual SM, fetishes, and cross-dressing services do not pose legitimate health or safety issues for local communities. What these adults agree to do in private is no one else’s business.
NCSF is currently exploring ways to cooperate with other sex-positive activist groups in New York City to protest these arrests, as well as the alleged entrapment and arrests of gay men for prostitution. If you have been arrested for prostitution for doing BDSM activities, or if you would like more
information, please contact Susan Wright.
The International Master/slave Contest 2009 was held at South Plains Leatherfest this past weekend. The winners are Daddy Ken and slaveboy Tim of San Francisco, Northwest Master and slave 2008.
This article by Mistress Matisse falls on the heels of our panel discussion on Sex, BDSM and Love at TES a couple of weeks ago. This is kind of what I was talking about. A different kind of love.
The NYC Police Department have been targeting gay middle-aged men in porn shops and setting them up as prostitutes. The scam starts with a young man who cruises them. Then, as they walk out together, as an aside, the young man offers to pay them money for sex. As soon as they step outside, cops arrest the men. This is outright entrapment.
Robert Pinter was one of those men busted. He went to the Gay City News and they discovered that this same scenario has happened to dozens of men all over the city. Now Pinter is speaking out and getting others to support him with protests. I went to the Stop the False Arrests rally on Saturday.
This is all part of a bigger push by the city to take away our sexual freedoms. Some other examples are the arrests of Pro-Dommes and sex-workers on Craig’s List. Robert Pinter has created Coalition to Stop the Arrests. He can be reached at STOPTHEARRESTS@aol.com
Pinter tells us that the police took his condoms and lube as evidence. NYC gives out condoms and lube for free. I also carry condoms and lube in my bag. This is ridiculous!
KINK-SENSITIVE PSYCHOTHERAPYIPG Counseling; 25 yrs. of caring for the L/G/B/T/Q, BDSM and Poly communities. Offices in Highland Park, Freehold and Jersey City, NJ. 24 therapists on staff. Call (800)379-9220
PURPLE PASSION / DV8
Features one of the largest selections of corsets, leather, latex & PVC clothing for men and women. BDSM books, bondage gear and toys. Store hours: Monday through Saturday, Noon-8pm. 211 W 20 St, NYC. 212-807-0486, Click here for online shopping, workshop & art show schedules.
