Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

David Weinbaum was a mentor to me and he was my very first Leather Mommy. He was a gay leatherman who liked to crossdress and I got to do my little girl thing and we had a hoot together. We met at GMSMA Leatherfest 20th Anniversary when he did a Steel Bondage Exploratoium. I liked him instantly. We grew close working together on Leather Pride Night and International Leather Celebration. It was through David that I first discovered my appreciation for metal bondage and he would let me poke through his closets and drawers to play with them all.

After David died, I helped Jack buy David’s handcuff collection from his sister and her husband, who were in charge of his estate. My favorite pair of his handcuff collection was always the Lady Waldens. Jack gave those to me. They are pretty rare and Jack does not own a pair. I treasure them, partly because I have always loved them and partly because they belonged to David. There’s also a small part of me that gloats that I have a pair and Jack doesn’t.

When I got into the scene in the late 80’s, people were reminiscing about the Golden Age when you could go to an SM every night of the week, that there were so many clubs like Le Scene, Club O, Club DeSade, Chateau 19, Paddles and Hellfire. When I got to the scene there was only Paddles and The Vault and you could only go out Wednesday through Saturday nights. Now there’s only Paddles on Fridays and Saturdays, the occasional Submit party and several events at Bacchus which will close shortly having lost their lease.

I remember the old Eagle and The Spike (what fun to do Sunday brunch at The Spike!) and everybody would reminisce about the Mineshaft and the Ramrod and the Anvil. And then, years later, everybody at the LURE would reminisce about those places. Nowadays, even Boots & Saddles is gone and, at the new Eagle, the guys are all reminiscing about the LURE.

The Golden Age is always before you got there.

Will be another Golden Age in NYC? I am doubtful. New York State safe sex regulations, the internet and the real estate boom have put the kibosh on it.

How to Get Hurt

Hope my hindsight is your foresight.

Maintaining a positive outlook is about reality. I step back and look at the big picture. And then I can separate and rank stuff. And when I look at it all, I realize there is a lot more to be happy about. Some people get hung up on the petty things. I walk away from bullshit as often as possible.

And, you know a secret? Sometimes, it is tough to be positive and I have to force myself to be there. But once I’m there, it’s easier to stay there. Happy seems to snowball and get happier.

At one time in my life I did a lot of casual sex, pick up sex. This was before I got into SM. I was exploring and searching for something, but I did not know what. All that casual sex got a bit boring after a while. And I wasn’t finding what I needed. I did find an STD and that scared me. It put a chill on the casual sex. I slowed way down.

When I found the SM community, sex became fun again. When I finally hooked up with my ex (not that one, the other one), we made an agreement to only have sex with each other. We were poly and we crafted a very narrow definition of sex. Sex as defined by us was only five acts: cunt/cock, cock/ass, cunt/mouth, cock/mouth and ass/mouth. This was partially about intimacy, but also about safety. Of course there are a lot of other sex acts and we did not mean to say that those acts were invalid, but we were two people hammering out a definition for an agreement for us. It gave us structure in a committed relationship, and I could still fist my girlfriend and remain faithful. That relationship lasted 5.5 years.

When I hooked up with the most recent ex, we used the same narrow definition and that relationship lasted over 6 years. So basically, for quite a long time, I would pretty much only have sex within my primary relationship. After the breakup, I decided that I would not engage in sex for a year. This was mainly to just recover emotionally, but also to not deal with how to get sex.

When the year was up, I explored a bit with an old out-of-town buddy and that was good. But that was long distance. I wanted sex that was a little closer to home, more accessible. I felt kind of rusty in the sexual relationship department. I knew that I did not want casual pick up sex and that I also did not want to get into a committed primary relationship just to have sex. I wanted something that had trust and intimacy but I wanted to remain unpartnered. I wanted a fuckbuddy. Actually I wanted several fuckbuddies.

So, I thought real hard about what qualities I wanted in a fuckbuddy and came up with this. Jefferson, of course, was a natural. We continued on from camp. And I propositioned Don Quixote, with whom I had been flirting with for like six months. And now I have two local fuckbuddies. They’re both very different and I am having a blast with my new sex life.

This wasn’t easy for me because I had to change old attitudes that I had developed over the past couple of decades. And it’s all still ongoing. Tonight is yet another adventure!

Boymeat and I attended the first Master/slave Conference in July 2004 in DC at the Marriott Residence Inn Thomas Circle. Attendance was much larger than anticipated and workshop space was limited. Master Taino came up with the idea of doing some smaller classes in actual standard hotel rooms. He wanted these classes to be SM scenes, not to teach technique, but to teach how SM was used in D/s relationships.

So I came up with this title and description:

Putting A Boy In His Place

This D/s relationship between leather siblings includes teaching, mentoring and nurturing. However there is a darker side that includes bullying, thuggery and humiliation. It starts when we explain the context of our eight years together and ends with the boy in a heap on the floor.

Beyond the title and the description, we did not do any other preparation or rehearsal. I wanted this to just happen and see where it would go. The room was packed with people sitting on the bed and on the floor and standing against the walls and furniture. I started talking and let Boymeat talk. We spoke about our history together. The further along we got the more domineering I became. And I began bullying him and punching him and her fell to the floor where I kicked him. I did not stop until he was a crying in a fetal position.

I really allowed my inner asshole to come out and play. That’s something I do not get to do very often. Not many people I can do that with. I can get really savage with Boymeat. Really mean and nasty. As a rule I protect Boymeat and defend him from others. Any time anybody wants to hurt him, they have to go through me. We are immensely loyal to each other. But it does feel good to crush him under my boot every once in a while.

I got to that space where I had focused on him and me. I had blocked out everyone else’s presence. But at the end, as I gathered him to me and stroked him while he cried, there was the class to deal with. I don’t remember who was at the class. And I don’t remember what we talked about after the scene. But I do remember people liked it.

It’s not a class that we will do again. No.

The release party for The Bi Apple was packed. I quickly found Audacia Ray and went to congratulate her. She smiled, happy to see me. “Be sure to pick up a copy of the DVD. Simone Valentino is signing them.”

I glanced over at the beautiful Simone and told Dacia, “No, I want you to sign mine. You’re the hot one.” Dacia is confident and gracious. She wears glasses and keeps her hair in pigtails. Above all, she’s smart. That all adds up to sexy.

Here’s a pic of Simone and Audacia. See what I mean?

Photo by Nick McGlynn.

The party was crowded and I did not really get to see any of the performances, but a lot of my sex blogger friends were there and it was nice to connect with them.

I also met Greg from Njoy Toys. They make the little shiny stainless steel butt plug I love. I think the look on my face is from when he told me they were making a bigger butt plug. Yay! We’re also hopefully getting a Leather Pride Night donation from them.

Photo by Viviane.

Right now, I am inspired by this picture.

I want to chain up a blond bitch who is wearing Daisy Dukes. I totally got a thing for really short cut-off denim shorts. Jefferson has already agreed to wear Daisy Dukes for me at the next Dark Odyssey Summer Camp and he’s blond and I’m going to have him wear my favorite big chains.

Imagine escaping from a prisoner of war camp during World War Two and finding out that everybody thought you were dead and that MOMA was planning a retrospective of your work. That’s wild! Henri Cartier Bresson took advantage of the opportunity and said, “Hey, let me help you with that.” So he put together a scrapbook of his favorite work and traveled to NYC to help make it happen.

Today I went and saw the ICP exhibit displaying the scrapbook photos along with some of the original photos from that 1947 MOMA show. Very cool.

It’s been over a week since I wrote. Teresa came to visit for a whole week. Much of my free time was spent entertaining and being entertained. We did a Broadway show (Spring Awakening) and went to a bunch of parties – including my own birthday dinner extravaganza, an 11 course Chinese banquet with 25 friends, a fabulous Oscar party which Thor wrote up here and an evening of burlesque for my friend’s birthday.

And we spent a lot of time making improvements to my apartment. Teresa is very handy and we did a big bathroom makeover. New colors can be seen at here. Walls are Cornflower Blue: 580B-5. Trim is Cozumel 490B-5. New toilet paper holder, towel rods, shower curtain rod and light fixture. It’s looking very bright and cheery. We also fixed the paint job in the bedroom that was ruined when they put a new door in – that fix took three different colors!

All of this was very exhausting and I neglected my blog.

And on top of everything, I have come to the conclusion that I am neither SSC nor RACK, but rather I am FLAP. Don’t even ask!