Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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Why I am having more sex these days

March 11th, 2007 · No Comments

At one time in my life I did a lot of casual sex, pick up sex. This was before I got into SM. I was exploring and searching for something, but I did not know what. All that casual sex got a bit boring after a while. And I wasn’t finding what I needed. I did find an STD and that scared me. It put a chill on the casual sex. I slowed way down.

When I found the SM community, sex became fun again. When I finally hooked up with my ex (not that one, the other one), we made an agreement to only have sex with each other. We were poly and we crafted a very narrow definition of sex. Sex as defined by us was only five acts: cunt/cock, cock/ass, cunt/mouth, cock/mouth and ass/mouth. This was partially about intimacy, but also about safety. Of course there are a lot of other sex acts and we did not mean to say that those acts were invalid, but we were two people hammering out a definition for an agreement for us. It gave us structure in a committed relationship, and I could still fist my girlfriend and remain faithful. That relationship lasted 5.5 years.

When I hooked up with the most recent ex, we used the same narrow definition and that relationship lasted over 6 years. So basically, for quite a long time, I would pretty much only have sex within my primary relationship. After the breakup, I decided that I would not engage in sex for a year. This was mainly to just recover emotionally, but also to not deal with how to get sex.

When the year was up, I explored a bit with an old out-of-town buddy and that was good. But that was long distance. I wanted sex that was a little closer to home, more accessible. I felt kind of rusty in the sexual relationship department. I knew that I did not want casual pick up sex and that I also did not want to get into a committed primary relationship just to have sex. I wanted something that had trust and intimacy but I wanted to remain unpartnered. I wanted a fuckbuddy. Actually I wanted several fuckbuddies.

So, I thought real hard about what qualities I wanted in a fuckbuddy and came up with this. Jefferson, of course, was a natural. We continued on from camp. And I propositioned Don Quixote, with whom I had been flirting with for like six months. And now I have two local fuckbuddies. They’re both very different and I am having a blast with my new sex life.

This wasn’t easy for me because I had to change old attitudes that I had developed over the past couple of decades. And it’s all still ongoing. Tonight is yet another adventure!

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