Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

BUI

August 13th, 2007 · No Comments

Richard and Amy are a 24/7 D/s couple.
The other night they got drunk and started posting.
Read Amy and then Richard.
Hot and funny.

After over 20 years, The Noose is closing on August 31. Everything is on sale and greatly marked down. The Noose is at 261 West 19th Street, between 7th and 8th Avenues in Chelsea. Call them to check when they will be open: 212-807-1789.

Harry Potter update: Boymeat and I saw Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix on Saturday Night. Really great! And the theater wasn’t crowded at all. As far as the book, I am now 217 on the list! I love watching the numbers go down.

A huge list of ugly sex crimes committed by Republicans. Found via Gloria Brame

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Hot Potato

August 12th, 2007 · No Comments

It was one of those big sprawling suburban supermarkets. I remember how my mother would love to take me food shopping when she visited me at college. She would swoon over the big selection and the wide aisles. We didn’t have supermarkets like that in the city. Still don’t.

Anyway, Don Quixote and I stopped into the supermarket to pick up raspberries and milk. I slipped my hand into his big paw. As we approached the fruits, DQ rejected by hand. A sudden, urgent rejection. He rejected my hand as if he were playing a game of Hot Potato.

“Look over there,” he motioned. “I totally have a crush on that guy. He’s sorta part bear and part punk. So hot.”

Aha! I totally understand how difficult it is to cruise a man while holding hands with a girl. I stepped out of fuckbuddy mode and into fag-hag mode in order to facilitate his cruising.

But the punkbear never noticed us. He was deeply engrossed in picking out peaches with another guy.

We wandered off to the dairy section for milk and did not run into them again.

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Can we just talk?

August 11th, 2007 · No Comments

At the recent Master/slave Conference, Jack McG gave the keynote address. One of the things he came out in favor of was that the Master/slave community should standardize the definitions of slave, submissive and boy. Jack feels that the lack of standard definitions hinders us as a community and that we do not know what someone is talking about when they use these terms.

Well, there are a lot of different kind of slaves, and different kinds of submissives, and boys, too. I don’t think it would be wise to ask them to categorize and define themselves into neat little pigeonholes. I like the diversity. I especially enjoy the nuances.

But before totally dismissing what Jack said, I did a little research. I went to some experts. How would the New York boys of Leather define “boy?”

“We are a group of kinky people who generally like the submissive or bottom side of things. We aren’t, however, defined by what we do in bed; those tastes vary widely among our members. Rather, we feel we share some “leatherboy” personality traits. What are those? That’s difficult to say! We’re fun-loving, enthusiastic, inquisitive, playful, loving, and adventurous, and we’re always looking for new adjectives. We have a youthful outlook, though we might be any age. We have masculine energy, and we’re attracted to masculine energy, though we might be any gender or orientation. We value connection and brotherhood, but we are inclusive and openminded about where we can find it.”

That’s a rather broad definition. It sounds like I couldn’t possibly figure out what any of these boys are about without getting to know them and asking them each individually about what it means to them to be a boy. There are so many ways to be a boy that I would balk at standardizing the meaning of “boy.”

I also worry that standardizing the meanings would lead to people stifling their needs and desires in order to fit into a definition. My ex-slave would bottom and also top. I remember people telling me that his topping was not very slave-like. Balderdash! It was something I liked and encouraged. I was proud of him.

Yesterday I made a point about the difficulty of defining what it means to “have sex.” I said that people need to ask their partner(s) what the term means to them. You, know, like, communicate with each other. So here we are again: same point, different day.

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If you see something, run like hell!

August 10th, 2007 · 2 Comments

From The Cleverest

Planned Parenthood of New York City has an open letter to J. K. Rowling about the importance for sex education for Harry Potter. In related Harry Potter news, I am now 274 on the waiting list at the NY Public Library.

Nominate your favorite NYC Street Food Vendor for the 2007 Vendy Awards.

Somebody ‘splain me this.

I forgot to mention that I am a big winner. I bought $10 worth of raffle tickets at the Master/slave Conference and won a $50 gift certificate to Le Chateau Exotique. Hmmm…. What should I buy?

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Did you have sex?

August 10th, 2007 · 2 Comments

It was no surprise to me when Bill Clinton said that he “did not have sex with that woman.” What does it mean when you say you “had sex” with somebody? The Kinsey Institute has an online survey that is trying to define what that means. Help them out and take the survey.

I imagine that they will get a wide range of answers. When I talk with people about what it means to have sex, I get a wide variety of definitions from them. Some people think that only cock/cunt or cock/ass fucking is sex. Some people think that fisting is sex, while others do not. Same with oral sex. Etcetera, etcetera.

When it comes to BDSM activities, it is even more unclear. People have told me that receiving a flogging is sex for them. Others think that a spanking is sex. According to SCONY guidelines, spanking is absolutely not sex or even sexual at their events; it is “Old-fashioned, Platonic, Traditional, Institutional, Loving And Parental discipline.”

So, wow, with this huge disparity of what it means to have sex, it is no wonder that Kinsey is doing a survey. Good for them, but I suspect that it will just show the same confusion that I have found. However, I do not allow disparate definitions to become a problem with me and my partners. I ask them to elaborate and then I listen when they explain.

With my last two primary partners, we agreed to define “sex” as five specific acts. This was our own convenient definition so we could be clear when we communicated and made our rules within our relationship. We were not trying to define what it was to “have sex” for the community or others. We were just trying to get the two of us on the same page.

So, it all boils down to communication. When you are not sure what a term means, ask. Even if you are sure, it’s a good idea to ask anyway. You may be surprised at the answer. Either way, more talking with your partner(s) is a good thing.

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BDSM Toy Review: Heartwood

August 9th, 2007 · 1 Comment

Custom made by Heartwood for the movie Exit to Eden

I am often asked where to buy a good flogger. All my favorite floggers and cats have been made by Lashes By Sarah and Heartwood Whips of Passion.

Sarah retired from whip making about six or seven years ago. Her hands could no longer do all the braiding. I mention her because she made stellar whips and because you should know that the building of these items is a craft. And for various reasons, craftspeople stop. So, if you see someone who makes fabulous toys, buy from them right away, because you never know when someone will retire.

Janette Heartwood also retired, but before she did, she passed her whip making skills on to Lori who continues to make Heartwood Whips. Lori’s whips are now as good as Janette’s. They are what I would consider the best out there. She will also work with you to customize your flogger. While you can work with her through the website or by phone, I prefer to work face-to-face with her at the events where she will be. She says maybe she will be at Dark Odyssey.

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