I received this question through my website from a person who left a bad email address. It’s such a typical question that I thought I would answer it here.
Q. Years ago I was introduced to some very basic BDSM by an older female lover. In that relationship I was always dominant. After we broke up I didn’t pursue it any further. Now in my 40’s, I really want to learn more and practice BDSM with an experienced person. I plan on joining a BDSM group soon. I would like to work on both dominance and submission which I guess makes me a switch. But how do you approach a more experienced person in the lifestyle to let her know you would like her for a play partner and want to benefit from her greater experience while at the same time wanting to bring something to the table for her, despite the lack of experience? Are Dommes especially often looking for Newbies to train? Does the same apply to experienced subs looking for new masters?
A. Frankly most women want relationships with a person they like. Their partner’s BDSM experience is not the biggest factor. I know that I first look for someone who is personable, smart, considerate and fun. If they have those qualities, then I am most inclined to want to play with them.