Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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She brought her own toys

November 24th, 2009 · 5 Comments

I had a hot play date on Friday night. When we spoke beforehand to make plans, I had asked her what she liked to do. “Spanking, caning, paddles, floggers.”  She then added, “I have my own toys.”

I love that!  Yes, I love those activities, but I really love a playmate who brings her own toys.  Even though I own so many toys myself, I appreciate someone providing their own.

First of all, why does the top have to always buy all the toys?  Especially when you are starting out, or when you are a poor student, these costs should be shared.

And why does the top always have to schlep all the toys? I take the subway when I go places and that stuff gets heavy and bulky to carry around, especially if I am going somewhere else beforehand. And if I’m flying somewhere to teach, clothing and teaching supplies take up the vast majority of my checked in luggage.  I need to stay under the airline’s weight limit!

And why does the top always have to maintain the toys? Kits have to be restocked, ropes need to be washed and toys need to be cleaned. This is extra work. Not only is it nice that the bottom can do this, but the bottom can be sure that it is done in a manner that they think is safest for toys used on them.

Another reason that a bottom may want to have his or her own toys is that they can bring something that they really like or that fits them well, like a straitjacket or a blindfold.

So, on Friday night, I used her toys.  But I did not come empty handed. I brought my single tail, a toy she likes but does not own.  And now we both have toys to clean.

Tags: BDSM

  • Femetal

    Oh, yes! 🙂 Totally agree there!

    My hubby and I have a nice collection of toys that we built together. Some of those toys have a lot of personal meaning.

    Now that we are both starting to play with other partners, we had to have the talk about which toys can or cannot be used by/with other people. Some of it is because cleaning is more complicated than either of us is willing to undertake. Some of it is because the item has emotional significance.

    The bottom line is, we’re starting to essentially build two new collections of “mine to use as I wish” toys which are unlikely to be a part of the toys we use with each other. This will include both toys used on each of us and toys used by each of us on others.

    It’s complicated, but when we started out, we didn’t really realize the impact that using a particular toy only with the other for 10+ years would have on how we feel about said toy. Now, unless something either has no significance on its own and is also very easy to clean and maintain, it becomes part of a dedicated set. Our other partners also have their own toys that help fill in the gaps.

    I get that it can be expensive to build a collection of toys, and so it makes a lot of sense to let each person buy the stuff that’s really significant to them, and share in the cost and effort involved in maintaining any collection they’re a party to.

  • Oh, absolutely! I personally think that although it is fine sharing your toys, or at least SOME of them, not all are suitable for sharing and it is best if the the person they are being used on is the one to make sure they are cleaned, sanitized if needed and well maintained…if at all possible. After all, it is their body that it is coming in intimate contact with. Cost can be a big consideration naturally, but like in dating, it is not fair to expect one person, (usually in a male/female couple) the guy, to have to pay for the date. It is not fair that the Top only be the one to shoulder the burden of cost, care, transportation of objects just because that person is the Top.
    .-= thepinkpoppet´s last blog ..Butt Love In “Spades”- Eden Fantasys Toy Review =-.

  • I could not agree more, the top should not be expected to supply, transport, and buy all the toys to be used by both parties.

    This is one big burden for my husband and I as we search out new partners. Though we have accumulated a good collection, we are already set in our routines.

    These whips, paddles, ticklers, and leather gear have special undertones to me, and many of those I don’t want to share for both cleanliness and transport reasons.

  • Pingback: e[lust] #2 – e[lust]()

  • Sharing is caring, but some toys are a no go. My pride and joys are just that, MINE!
    .-= Sex Toy´s last blog ..Jimmy Jane – Contour M =-.