Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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Hat Trick

May 21st, 2009 · No Comments

Well, it’s a big week for me on the internets.  First The New Gay interview, then Judy McGuire’s column on the Seattle Weekly and now I got Fleshbotted for my “Thank you, Jay Wiseman” post.

The theme forthis particular Fleshbot Sex Blog Round-up was The World’s Sexiest Couples.  I am very honored to be chosen for this, even though I am mighty resistant to identifying DQ and me as a couple.  I graciously forgive the editor as only the most perspicacious readers could possibly detect this nuance from my writings.

This segues nicely into some of last night’s program on Power Bottoming at TES.  While the panel was interesting, as at many TES meetings, some of the best discussions came up at the circle afterward.  There was much said about how people perceive what they want to perceive about you.   This was aptly illustrated when one person said that they identified as trans and male.  Just a few minutes after that, another person referred to them as a lady.  Hello?  Was that person even listening to what was said?

So often I hear people at TES wonder why we don’t have a greater Queer presence at TES.  It’s because of this kind of clueless statement.  What makes it even worse is that this clueless person is in a leadership position at TES.

It’s not always easy to break out of the heteronormative roles and talk about it in a group among people you don’t know.  It’s downright demoralizing when someone doesn’t listen to what you are saying and just tramples on your identity.  TES needs to do some work to create a safe space for people who are different.  It needs to start with its leaders.

Tags: Press and Media