Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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How much pain can you take?

April 13th, 2008 · 2 Comments


Ryan Knox and Lexi Love on meninpain.com

Ryan Knox and Lexi Love on meninpain.com

Axe recently pondered how he should answer this very question. In my opinion, the only proper answer would be, “It depends.”

“It depends“ is most likely not the answer that the person who posed that question would want to hear. But really, it is a flawed question to begin with. It’s flawed because, as Joseph Bean once said, “Bottoms lie.” They don’ t actually intentionally lie, but when asked a question like this, the answer is usually a misrepresentation. It is almost always one of two things: either they say they can take a lot more than they actually can, because their fantasies are bigger than their realities; or else they say they can take a lot less than they actually can, because they are scared that they might not be able to take whatever will be dished out.

There are many other factors that contribute to “it depends.”

  • Warm up. You might be surprised at how much more someone can take when the sensations are built up slowly.
  • Type of pain. Some people prefer “sting” while others prefer “thud” and that certainly impacts how much someone can take. How can you quantify sting versus thud anyway? Perhaps someone is a thud junkie while being a sting wimp!
  • Timing. Are the blows coming so fast that they can’t be processed? Or are they timed?
  • Bondage or lack thereof. Some people can take more if they are in bondage; others can take less.
  • The partner. A lot has to do with who you are playing with. Do they get you in a bottom headspace? Do they turn you on? Can they read your reactions?
  • Hormones. Especially during a woman’s cycle.
  • Room temperature and other comfort factors make a difference.

So, yeah, it depends. And it’s not a question that I would ask anybody.

Tags: BDSM

  • unspeakable axe

    Thank you for this.

    I also wonder if there are other kinds of pain besides “sting” and “thud”.

    Could there be a “kablam” or a “pow” out there?

    Yeah, I read too many comic books as a kid.

  • Nix

    I agree with everything you said, however saying ‘bottoms lie’ I hope was facetious….

    As you said, it’s an impossible question to answer.

    Personally, my concern is more what the Top means by ‘medium to heavy’. I know how I’m feeling, but I’ve no clue whats in their head.

    The only time I was ever asked that it turned out to be an exercise in futility.

    I love that it’s not a question you would ask 🙂