Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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Negotiation for a Threesome

January 11th, 2007 · No Comments

I sent Don Quixote an email, “Are you interested in a threesome with him?” I included a link.

It was someone he knew and he noted that he had never heard the Squirrel talk about girls.

“DQ, gay men who have sex with girls never talk about it, because all the other guys would say ‘Ewww!’ Or maybe he doesn’t do sex with girls and it would be a new experience for him – like I could be a novelty. Less scary in a threesome with another guy. I dunno.”

Despite DQ’s skepticism, he agreed to my asking the Squirrel. So, I sent him an email asking about a threesome and he responded with enthusiasm.

Yikes! Now what would I do? I thought about my dog. My dog was a retriever type, a hunting dog. One of her favorite activities was chasing squirrels. She would run after them so fast, but they would always get away up a tree. A few times she almost caught one, but they all got away. I really could not imagine what she would have been able to do with a squirrel if she had ever caught one. It was probably best that she never did. (And now you know why I am calling this guy the Squirrel.)

So, I got back to DQ and told him that the Squirrel said yes. I was still a bit panicky, “But, now, what do I do?”
“You negotiate.”
“OK, time and place. But, really anything else I hate to negotiate. Ugh!”
“You have to negotiate something.”
“Okay.”

Then DQ said, “I am a bit surprised by this threesome.”
“Whaddya mean? I asked you about it before I asked the Squirrel.”
“Yes, I know. Of course. But I am still surprised.”
“Wait a second. We spoke from the very beginning when I asked you to be my fuckbuddy about the possibility of threesomes. It’s in my fuckbuddy guidelines”

Oh my! I have fuckbudy guidelines. RTFM Hee!

“Well, I just figured you meant a threesome with Jefferson.”
“Jefferson? I don’t even think he is your type. Wait until you meet him. Eventually you guys will meet.”

So, I wrote to the Squirrel:
“We’re not all that big on negotiation because it sets up expectations and we would really rather just get together and see what’s comfortable for everybody. DQ and I are pretty comfortable with each other but still exploring. Basically if there’s anything we want to do, we just say what we want and agree to do it. If there is anything that is uncomfortable, we say so and we either change what we are doing or we just stop. It’s really informal. Do you like that?”

He did. And we made a date.

Tags: Relationships · Sex