Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

There’s a lot of discussion going on about money and presenters. See Mollena and Andrea Zanin, who both posted this week and have sparked many discussions on their blogs, Fetlife and elsewhere.

I teach quite a bit as you can see on my teaching page. Sometimes I get expenses plus a payment. Sometimes I just get expenses. Sometimes it costs me to go to an event. And sometimes I just say no. Money is not the only factor that helps me decide where I’ll teach. Money  often helps to make it possible, but the most important thing is whether I am going to have fun.

I’ve been on the organizing side and know how some events make big money and some struggle to break even. Every event is different. Every event has different abilities to offer incentives.

Last weekend I went to Kinko De Mayo in Cleveland and they really treated me well. One of the things they did was have an Ambassador program. Members of the group volunteer to host a presenter and their date for dinner on Saturday night. My Ambassadors got in touch with me before the event via Fetlife to introduce themselves, ask what kind of food we liked and discuss timing.

Wow! Finding a restaurant and driving in an unfamiliar city can be very stressful for me. They took on that responsibility. They chose a great restaurant and drove us. The four of got to talk, relax and get to know each other over a nice meal. We all had a really good time. The Ambassadors also paid for our meals out of their own pocket.

The Ambassador program did not cost the event any money. It provided an opportunity for the Ambassadors to take out a presenter and spend quality time with them. And it totally worked for me. It was an added bonus. I think more events should try programs like this.

Thanks again to my KDM Ambassadors!

Today is my day on the Say Please virtual book tour and I feel like I have messed up and not finished my homework. I have not read the whole book.  But I love what I’ve read so far. Say Please is an anthology of Lesbian BDSM erotica edited by Sinclair Sexmith. There’s lots of stories and it’s the kind of book where you read a story and put it down and come back to it another time for another story. I need these kind of books in my life, where I can take a small literary journey and enjoy small bites.

So, I’m taking the easy way out and am publishing an excerpt from one of my favorite stories (so far). This is from Dusty Horn’s story, “Spanking Booth.”

I make a big show for my growing audience of peeling the panties down, leaving them just below the cheek to frame her luscious pinkness.

And they’re off!” Lisa narrated, producing a cheer from the crowd.

I take great mounds of her ass in both hands and squeeze the flesh like I’m prepping some precious material for some obscure art project. Released, these handfuls bounce back into place, vibrating ever so slightly as they settle.

I am meticulous about covering all my territory. I set about creating a symmetrical coloration for my visual pleasure and even sensation for hers.

“There is a target on every ass, ” I narrate for my captivated voyeurs. “Right here.” I trace three concentric circles in the middle of each cheek, punctuating them with a bull’s-eye smack that makes my victim howl and the audience cheer.

“But the ass has so much more to offer. You have to spread the blood around…” I demonstrate rapid tapping around the side of each cheek and play the cleavage of her heart shape like perfect bongo drums.

“And of course there’s the tender insides. You have to be prudent here; it’s much more sensitive, especially when they are aroused…”

“I am not turned on by this!” Beth protests, arching her back.

My hand reacts instinctively to bratty behavior such as this. It snakes between her legs and pries them open, landing five perfectly placed windmill blows at a difficult angle: the sideways curve of the lady’s ass into her cunt.

She squeals, but before she knows what is happening, the pain and vulnerability of this recourse has subdued her further. Then, she merely melts and whimpers.

“This inner spot is for punishing insolent behavior and reinforcing roles.”

The crowd laps it up. Queers so do love a good drama.

I stroke the pinkening skin and raise goose bumps down her back with the fingernails of my non-opposable hand.

“Jeremy, will you oblige me?” Without taking my eyes off my prize, I indicate the crumpled pants on the ground.

Knowing exactly what I have in mind, Jeremy whistles through his teeth and stoops to extract Beth’s belts from its loops. He does it quickly, demonstrating the belt’s whip-like potential. Always a showman, he folds it in half and produces a satisfying crack that strikes fear and lust into the heart of every bottom in the room.

“I find it extra humiliating to be beaten with one’s own belt, ” I say as Jeremy hands me Beth’s.

This little distractions snaps her out of her complacency somewhat. She begins to squirm.

“Now, when I send you home you will wear the weapon I used against you. Every time you wrap it around your waist, you will think of its potential. And you will think of me.”

Yeah, so this is pretty hot. You have to buy the book to read the whole thing and the other stories as well.

And here is the list of other stops on the virtual blog tour. Go visit these site and see what others have to say about Say Please.

Q.  OK as a kid I read this bizarre sci-fi comic story in Judge Dredd…the 22nd Ctry NYC cop…the story was called ‘The Stupid Gun!’

It was about 2 futuristic criminals who steal a ‘ray gun’ that could completely wipe clean a persons brain, reducing them into the IQ of a baby…happily drooling, real ‘goo-goo’ etc

Perfect from crime as any ‘witnesses’ were left in that dribbling, smiling and docile regressed mental state

But the story was quite sadistic as well as hilarious, as the ‘perps’ who stole the ‘Stupid Gun’ clearly enjoyed using it on multitudes of citizens on their crime sprees

The story really turned me on and fascinated me, at 13 years old also, getting sexually aroused even before my real interested in sex etc

I wanted to be a ‘victim’ of these bizarre perps…especially if they were latex clad women and also wanted to be Dominant with the device

But Why so? At that age I mean such a sadistic weapon should not arouse kids lol?

Have you ever came across anything similar before?

A.  Yes! While I have never heard of this particular Stupid Gun story, you are not so odd. Some people discover their BDSM interests later in life, but so many of us had these fantasies when we were children. I remember fantasizing about being the captured princess who was forced to do things. This fantasy started in first grade and is still now my favorite fantasy of all.

Many kinksters can trace their fetishes back to childhood games and stories. Many bondage aficionados remember playing “Cowboys & Indians” or watching Batman and Robin get tied up in life-threatening situations (BTW check out Batman’s handcuffs). Leather fetishists remember Mrs. Peel on The Avengers. Strong super heroes like Wonder Woman are common touchstones for others.

Twelve years of age is not so early to have sadomasochistic fantasies. I had not connected my fantasies to sex back when I was in elementary school. I did not even know there was such a thing as sex at that age. This is typical.

Perhaps some of my blog readers will share their early BDSM fantasies with us in the comments section.

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust].  Want to be included in e[lust] #36? Start with the newly updated rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ Top 3 ~

Strangers in a bar – She sensed him move along the bar, he took the seat next to her his knee brushing her thin stockings as he took in her dress and the way it waved over her curvaceous figure.

Dealing with Abuse in Our Communities – We’re only human (yes, dominants ARE human) and mistakes happen. But what you do with the information that you’ve harmed someone is key.

Special Request – Walking to his desk, he pulled off his belt and put it on the left side, then pulled out a paddle and put it in the middle and then a cane on the right hand side.

~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~

What Keeps Us Going – We co-existed, and we were generally happy with each other, but we were dysfunctional. You know how people talk about becoming roommates rather than lovers? Guilty.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Sex Toy Journalism: Seeking the Truths of Silicone via Flame Testing and Confronting Manufacturers – Why flame test? “Pure” silicone, be it food grade or medical grade, shouldn’t melt or deform under the heat of an open flame from a disposable lighter or match – a fact you’ll see demonstrated in the video

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Comparisons Part Three
Cosmic Vibrations
Momentum: Reflections and Impressions
My Feminine Fountain is Finally Flowing (I squirted for the 1st time!)
PolyAnna’s Musings: Attraction
Q&A Number 1: Play Partners
Sexual Bucket List (and a Brief Diatribe on My Self Censorship Hang Up)
The “Dry Rut/Root”! Non-sex?
Intolerance – Contraception Debate, Religious Intolerance, & Grumpy Cooper

Erotic Writing

Come Together
Encounter in the Spa
Flame
Good Bad Sex
I needed him there and then
inside
Make Me Cum
Namaste
Onomatopoeia
Play Lady Play
Quitting While Ahead
Rampage – YSL’s birthday treats
sleep
the Confidante and I film ourselves
third
The first time I slept with the Girl in the Red Dress
Timing Is Everything
We drink each other’s cum

Kink & Fetish

Assignment from M
Buttons
Cigars
Fucked Raw
Foot fetishists, come talk to me
Imprints
Make Me
Nice vs. Good
On “Closure.”
Practicing My Religion
Please Fuck Me
Snap

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Annie fucking Sprinkle
Voice and the Author

Ariel X and Bobbi Starr on thetrainingofo.com

Q.  Hi I’m trying to break into the world of being a dominatrix but I am not sure where I should get started. I was going to post ads but I don’t know where. I was going to have the meetings at hotels but I was concerned about safety. Also I wanted to know all the different fetishes, I didn’t want to get a client that request something I wasn’t comfortable with myself. I love spanking, giving and receiving and the thought of punishing people is very appealing to me. Any help you can offer would be amazing. I live in NY and I’m hoping this will be a fun lucrative thing for me. PLEASE HELP!! Thanks in advance!!!

A. Most of the dominatrixes (pro doms) that I know started out working for one of the “professional houses of domination.” While you would be splitting the money with them, they are often a very good way to get your feet wet and learn. Most of the houses will give you some training and the better ones even have ongoing classes and bring in educators with specialties. Many pro doms also go to classes at TES, DSF or Purple Passion. And the pro doms at the houses learn from each other. Assisting an experienced pro dom in a session is a great way to learn.

The houses place ads, maintain websites and have an existing client base and a reputation. They screen clients and you are then not alone in a hotel room with a stranger. It’s much safer for you. There are also rooms with play equipment.

Spankings and punishment are very popular activities, but you may need to broaden your interests to build up a good clientele. You can always refuse to do things you don’t want to do. The best way to deal with that is to refer them to another pro dom who can handle that activity.

Here’s some of the places you may want to check out:
The Dungeons of Mistress Elizabeth
Fortress NYC
The Hidden Chamber
Le Salon DeSade
Pandora’s Box
Tara Indiana’s Den of Iniquity

Q.   On FetLife and on various party/club invites they refer to the term “play partners.”  What does that mean?  Can one be happily married, yet have a separate “play partner?”  Is that necessarily sexual?  Does that sometimes lead to adultry and divorce?  I am both intrigued and frightened.

A.   A play partner can be a friend, a casual date, a lover or even a spouse. It seems like on these invitations, “play partner” is being used as an inclusive generic term.

Of course you can be happily married and have a separate play partner! That is what polyamory and nonmonogamy is all about. Many people in our community have multiple relationships. A good reference for learning about and successfully negotiate this territory is Tristan Taormino’s book, “Opening Up.”

Some people have sex with their play partners and some do not. It depends on the relationship. For instance, I have a play partner with whom I have been playing with for 14 years. We do not have sex. He’s gay. It’s just never going to happen. We are good friends with an intimate bond and a strong connection. We enjoy our play.

Also, you need to define what constitutes sex. When Jack and I were together, we agreed to a very narrow definition of sex. For us, it was five specific acts: penis/vagina, penis/ass, penis/mouth, mouth/vagina and mouth/ass. We gave each other permission to do anything else with anybody. Of course, when I fisted my girlfriend, she and I considered it to be having sex, but it still was within the guidelines of my relationship with Jack. Different people consider different acts sexual. For example, some people consider spanking to be sex; other people think it has nothing to do with sex at all.

Playing or having sex with another person while married would be considered adultery in the legal as well as biblical sense of the word. However, if you discuss this with your wife and negotiate some agreements, then you are not cheating. Having a workable relationship with a play partner involves honesty and communication and negotiation with both the play partner and your spouse.

I have several play partners who are married and/or partnered. Another example: for the past couple of years I have been playing with a married man. Funny thing is that I also play with his wife. We don’t do threesomes (at least we have not done them yet and we have not discussed them), but I play with both of them. He knows about me and her, and she knows about me and him. Neither one is jealous and they both feel secure in their relationship with each other. And one side-bonus is that as parents, one can stay home with the kid while the other one goes out with me!

I understand your fears about divorce. People divorce for many reasons. Irreconcilable differences and cheating are major causes. A solid marriage is built on trust. Nothing violates this partnership more than dishonesty and cheating. You can have successful multiple relationships if you do the work communicating and negotiating with all your partners.

Midori’s Rope Dojo is one of the best ways to learn Japanese rope bondage. Whether you area total novice or someone who has mastered the basics, you will learn and be challenged with this highly disciplined and concentrated approach to learning. In addition to Midori and her co-presenter, DeLano of DeLano Bound, there are teaching assistants (including me) who will make sure you understand and improve your skills. The two day course in NYC April 28-29 includes over 16 hours of instruction with lots of hands-on practice. Also included are morning nosh, delicious lunches, afternoon snacks & other goodies.

I am a graduate of this program. And I urge you to talk to other people who have taken this course. They will tell you how worthwhile this is and how it changed and improved the way they tie. This is the only time the Rope Dojo will be given in NYC this year. Register now because there are only a few spots left. It always sells out.

For more info, including the curriculum and FAQ, go here.

Phoenix Marie and Bobbi Starr on Electrosluts.com

 Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #35 ? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! Note: Wondering why there is no Top 3 this edition? Read the latest Editor’s Note to find out why, and what you can do to help prevent this from happening in the future.

~ Featured Posts (Picked by Lilly) ~

The Ultrasound and the Fury- I cried softly and my partner moved closer to the table so I could lay my cheek against him for comfort and support. Then they brandished a wand and explained they needed to take pictures inside of me. And told him to get out.

Vagina in the Wild – Adventures in Pantslessness – They are self-cleaning and self-lubricating. They are a wonderfully well designed body part that speaks of feminine power and beauty. They leave wet spots on the couch.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Ultimate Guide to Silicone Sex Toys – With Metis Black of Tantus, Inc. - I picked the brain of Metis Black, the fabulous woman behind Tantus Inc, makers of some very awesome silicone sex toys. Get your sex geek on and find out some myths and facts about silicone sex toys!

Kink & Fetish

As Is Custom
Consent and negotiation
Fishnets and Spanking and Sleep
In room entertainment
Ladies’ Night: My First Time at an All-Womens’ Sex Party
Learn the rope of knots: Overhand Knot
slapping…drinking…and other wacky fun…
That Moment

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

An Open Letter to Rush Limbaugh
Erotic-On Me
Eyes Wide Smut
Strangers on a Train

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Bondage Insecurities
Cunnilingus 101
Getaway Sex vs Everyday Sex
Gifts from Lover’s
Innies, Outties & 3-Ways
Im 35 and My Mum Can Hear Me Having Sex
Mono or Poly
Mmm, the kissage!
Never Pinch a Sadist #3: Relationship Rules
Primary? Alpha?
Safewords in the Real World
Shields
The long distance thing
The Next Evolution – Swinging-Open Marriage-Polyamory

Erotic Writing

A Good Day and Sexzy Night
50 Ways to Fuck Your Lover
Blissful Candlelit Climax
Cunny Honey
Easy Like Sunday Mornings
Fingertips
first date
In which… I go to my first party (Part I)
I’m the Slut
How It All Started
Mount’n Dew
Our Sex Diary (Part Two!)
Rain
Rendezvous
Some Truth…About Cocksucking
Sensuality
She Takes Control
The Chair – The Execution
The Beast
That Familiar Maddening Thrill
The Importance of (Emotional and Physical) Self-Love
Vignette 2: Traffic Stop
Working Out
Whore’s Mouth

Amazing how you can live in the same city as somebody, but it takes being at an out of town event to make things happen. And South Plains Leatherfest was just the event. It is one of the premier leather events in the country with great workshops and dungeon parties.

It was at SPLF that I hooked up with Sara Vibes to give her a very hard spanking. I always temper my spankings to fit the person and I was surprised how much Sara could take!

Sara Vibes is the current International Ms Leather and at 23, she is known as the Baby IMsL. She is also the youngest person on the 100 Divas list. Really, I am not a Chickenhawk. Sara has a mind of her own and has a strong personality. I am honored to call her my friend.

March is Question Month. Feel free to ask anything you might want to know and I will endeavor to answer. Reply to this post. I am screening the questions so nobody but me will see who asked what. You can also ask anonymously.