Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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Marriage does not equal Romance

January 5th, 2011 · 3 Comments

So, I just read Man Attempts to Restore Romance to NYC With Blog Admitting Interest in Marriage.

Ya know, marriage is not the ticket to romance. Sure, getting married is romantic. Oh, the engagement! Oh, the wedding! Oh, the big white wedding dress! Oh, finding “the one!” Being together forever and ever. Dreaming of what your life will be like together. So romantic.

After a few years of married life, there’s often divorce. Look at the statistics. Even when married people don’t divorce, there’s an abundance of lying and cheating. Again, look at the statistics.

Some marriages do succeed. Some can keep the romance alive, but there has got to be more than romance to keep them together. And some marriages are non-romantic and very successful.

Maybe I just hate that my family held marriage up to me as the big goal. That marriage was the ticket to a lifetime of happiness and security – very middle class bourgeois. I always preferred being self-sufficient. I don’t want or need anyone to “complete me.” Maybe I am a rebel. Or maybe I just want to live my life the way I want to live my life.

There are some really good reasons to marry. Our society offers bonafide legal and social advantages to people who marry: tax breaks, ease of raising children, health care advantages, etc. It’s why marriage equality is so important.

So, I’ve got a romance going with Don Quixote. Of course, if he wins the lottery, I’ll marry him. I doubt that will happen, but I think that his playing the lottery is very romantic.

This is probably a really bad time to be so negative about romance and marriage. It should be a post congratulating Boymeat and Kitten for getting engaged. I am happy about that. Really.

Mazel Tov!

Tags: friends

  • Abby Tallmer

    Hi Lolita:
    I just wanted to say that I too think that Don Quixote playing the lottery is very romantic, so much so that if he wins I’d be willing to take a portion off of his hands for romance’s sake. Just sayin.

    XXOO
    Abby

  • Ha ha! BTW we have discussed a prenup agreement so it’s not just about getting his money.

  • Abby Tallmer

    Oh that’s nice…well I’d be willing to be in on the pre-nup too if it makes things neater. (*kidding!*)

    Love & Kisses,
    Abby