Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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November 20th, 2004 · No Comments

Volume 10, Number 24 © Copyright 2004 by Lolita Wolf – Material may not be reproduced in whole or in part without prior written consent of the copyright holder. The views expressed herein are exclusively those of the author and do not represent the views of any other person or any organization with which the author may be associated.


“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

– Albert Einstein

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I started my week with a trip out to Huntington to present my poly class at the Long Island Leather N Roses group. This is a very nice group of people who meet every Tuesday night. (See

And then, it was bondage, bondage, bondage. On Wednesday November 10, I went to Midori’s Predicament Bondage workshop hosted by GMSMA. Every fall during Leatherfest week, both GMSMA and LSM open their meetings to all genders. Midori was educational and entertaining as usual. On Thursday, I rushed over to the Barbara Nitke opening. Her new work is absolutely magnificent. I just love the color work – it pops! LSM had their open meeting with Midori doing ” Hands-On Hand and Foot Bondage. I learned a bunch of tricks and tied up Michael’s hands in a prayer position. It immediately relaxed him and he was happy. On Friday night, AJ and I schlepped up to Newburgh to see Bridgett’s Asymmetrical Bondage class. This was also supposed to be hands-on but the space was very cold. I tied AJ to her chair while she was wearing her leather jacket.

On Saturday it was GMSMA Leatherfest at the Center. This is the biggest bargain in the scene at $10 for 5 classes, an art show and a vendor mart. I spent most of my time at the NCSF table selling raffle tickets for the Harley-Davidson. The rest of the time I taught a class and spent 10 minutes giving the art fair a cursory tour. Later that night LSM met up with the Butch Femme Group for Dinner at Café Buon Gusto. Afterwards we headed over to Paddles and caned AJ until she had nice big bruises.

On Sunday, it was Dim Sum in Chinatown and Rachel Kramer Bussell’s book signing at Suede. I flirted with lots of hot girls, had a free Cosmopolitan, ate a cupcake, bought Rachel’s spanking new book on spanking and AJ got spanked (but not hard enough!).


By aj stalkerboy

This is it, my last birthday in my 30’s. I am not all that happy about it despite my very young 20’s something co-workers telling me not to worry because “40 is the new 30, AJ”. I figured I should do something fun, So I called Lolita and invited myself to New York. Lolita said yes, so off I went.

Here is a quick run down of what we did. And we did do a lot.

On Friday night we went to a bondage workshop somewhere in New York. I don’t know where. It was really great except the room was freezing. Lolita tied me up over my leather jacket while my hands were in my pockets.

Saturday was GMSMA’s Leatherfest. That was a lot of fun as I got to be a demo bottom for Lolita’s sensory deprivation class. I was in my hood and my hands were covered. I fell asleep. I also got to be one of the demo bottoms for Jo Arnone’s flogging class. Saturday night was dinner and Paddles. Lolita caned me. Well, no, that doesn’t sound quite right. Lolita beat the shit out of me. And no, that is not a complaint. I still have the bruises and I am quite happy about it.

Sunday was Dim Sum. Now that was fun! Lolita and I met up with Boymeat, Luna, and Badfaggot. We ate a lot of food. Afterward we walked through Chinatown and other neighborhoods. At the end of the day Lolita and I went for manicures and pedicures. I got clear on my on my fingers and I got nightlife blue on my toes and had them do a topcoat with silver glitter polish. It looks way too cool. If you are wondering if this makes me less of a boy, no it doesn’t as I am pretty secure about myself and my boyness.

That’s a wrap up of what we did. But me being me, I also need to write about what I learned. I learned that I am a control freak. It is really hard for me to let go. It is so easy to bottom and say “Okay, you just be in charge” when the circumstances fit. What I learned is that it is really easy for me to submit when I actually feel like I can control something. Usually the hotel room or making sure Lolita gets to a class on time. In those circumstances I have a lot of information. I am in charge of something. When I don’t have information, I resist letting go and trusting that everything is cool. What I learned is that if I am going to write a contract, if I am going to wear Lolita’s collar, I also need to be open and trusting when there is no room to manage and no class to get to.

I have been bottoming to Lolita on various levels for over four years. In those fours years I have learned through our friendship and various aspects of D/s or play, that Lolita would never withhold information that would hurt me. Her ability to Top me as a play partner, to be Dominant to my submissive self and her friendship is a huge gift. She never falls short. I on the other hand fall short. I feel that I carry my weight in the friendship, and God knows I love to play but I feel like still have a lot to learn about completely letting go. I am so grateful that Lolita is patient while I figure these things out. I have a lot of commitments and goals for the up coming year. One of them is letting go and truly submitting to Lolita and not just paying lip service to the concept.

Lolita, thank you for another great birthday and for your continued friendship and support.

**** Thanks to AJ for sharing this report. …And Happy Birthday! ****


Many people in the scene are familiar with Dr Margie Nichols of IPG, a counseling and psychotherapy center that focuses its advertising to the LGBT and alternative lifestyle communities. IPG has created a survey to learn more about women’s sexuality. Wanting to have something to compare the results to, they asked women of all identities to fill out the survey. So far, they have gotten about 800 responses. Two papers have already been written based on the results and at least one other paper is planned and hopefully, the findings will be presented at conferences. The more women who fill out the survey, the better the findings will be. They are looking for women of all sorts. It is totally anonymous and takes about 10-15 minutes.

An equivalent survey for men is being developed and should be ready sometime in January.


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The end of an era, and perhaps something new is waiting in the wings:

Have fun! Play safe!
Lolita Wolf

Lolita speaking only for Lolita, of course!

Part One of One
Copyright 2004 Lolita Wolf

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