Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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Question Month #4

May 17th, 2011 · No Comments

Q. Recently, I’ve had an issue come up at a private play party. So maybe it’s two questions.

A Top was playing with a bottom with a violet wand. The Top had electrified the bottom so that touching the bottom created an arc. The scene was interrupted when a bystander stepped forward and kissed the bottom on the forehead. The scene was stopped, the bottom complained of an immediate headache and her face was twitching. To date there do not seem to be any lasting obvious effects. Can you tell me if this could have been a potentially life threating situation?

In addition, the bystander could not be ejected from the location, because she was tanked and 70 miles from home. This was a non drinking event, but it seems she was sneaking alcohol into the house in water bottles. As hostess, I feel this was My fault because it was My birthday and I wasn’t on guard. I realized late in the evening that she was drinking but by that point it was too late. Our community is very small and I will see her again soon. I’m pissed off but trying hard to maintain some level of decorum. What action is appropriate in this situation?

At this point I’ve read her the riot act about drinking at My party and interrupting the scene. She didn’t seem to think that part was a big deal. But stated she didn’t want Me to be mad at her. I’m beyond mad and wanna thrash her. But I’m trying to be rational about the whole thing.

A. First of all I am not a violet wand expert. I think violet wands are safe to use on the head but never on the eyes. I have used the violet wand on the head and it has been used on my head with no problems. However, everybody is different. The skin is pretty thin on the forehead. Maybe the bottom had a reaction from the kiss, but I highly doubt that it was life threatening.

The main issue is the behavior of your party guest. I assume that the rules of the party were clear to all the guests. She violated the rules. That makes her a bad guest. And what compounds her bad behavior is that she thinks it was not a big deal. She shows no remorse and that means that she may possibly break the rules again.

It is not your fault that you were not watching your guests so closely. The beauty of a private party is that you can control the guest list. You should only invite people to your home whom you can trust to respect your home and your rules. Even the host ought to be able to relax and enjoy their own party.

You did the right thing by not allowing her to drive home drunk. She could have been an even bigger danger on the road.

I’m glad that you want to be rational about this. I would speak to her when she is sober and tell her that she is off the guest list for now. Don’t make it permanent. She may mend her ways and should be given a second chance at some point. Also, if she can hope for an opportunity to be invited again in the future, she is less likely to be vindictive.

However, sometimes people can be vindictive. She may make a call to the police during your next party. Prepare yourself with an NCSF bust card.

Tags: Really Miscellaneous