Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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A rant about my evening at the TES Queer SIG

January 18th, 2009 · 2 Comments

I was happy to see the Queer SIG back at TES, this time at the able hands of Nayland and Liz. The first meeting was devoted to the topic of the meaning of the word Queer and various other labels. It started with a panel and ended with a lively discussion in circle. The group struggled with coming up with a clear definition or the word Queer and many appreciated the vagueness of the term.

Many other labels were discussed as well. Two of the words that were touched on near the end were: heteroflexible and bisensual. Several people in the group ridiculed these words. This pissed me off, because I agree with the TES Creed which speaks to the right to self-identify.

I see nothing wrong with the words heteroflexible and bisensual. If someone is a 0.25 on the Kinsey scale, that is valid. If someone want to expand beyond the boundaries of strict heterosexuality, good for them, If someone wants to experiment or just have a taste every now and then, fine. People can be whatever they want to be. I think people should have the right to self-identify, whether Queer or not.

Some people in the group also complained that these words were too vague This after earlier lauding the vagueness of the word Queer. Labels are very constricting and are really just a starting off point. I like to approach each person as a individual and learn about them.

I’ve heard this type of ridicule and derision before in other places. Sometimes it is BDSMers trashing vanillas, sometimes it is hets trashing gays or gays trashing bisexuals (I coud go on). I think we all need to practice a little more tolerance and acceptance,. I am really glad that these discussions are once again happening at TES and I look forward to more meetings of the Queer SIG.

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