Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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Hot Chocolate

December 18th, 2007 · 9 Comments


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I was not the only one at the TES party at Paddles who thought my date was hot. All sorts of guys were tripping over themselves trying to talk to her. I found most of it amusing. But two of them stood out as being huge assholes.

I had Hot Chocolate suspended in rope and one guy was standing extremely close watching. I am used to all sorts of people watching my scenes and that is a part of playing at public parties. I don’t mind. But this guy was extremely close. The kind of close where other people might even assume that he was part of our scene. I worked hard to ignore him. And I turned Hot Chocolate so that she was facing away from him. I did not want her to be distracted by him.

I began to swing her back and forth and the guy put his hand out in the hope that she would swing into him. At that point, I barked at him, “If you touch her, I am going to have you kicked out of the club! And you are standing way too close!” The guy put down his hand but he did not back off. I continued to try to ignore him, but I was constantly aware that he was there. He was another factor that I had to worry about in my scene. And when I do my scenes – especially a rope suspension – I have too many things to focus on without some creepy guy on top of it, too.

Afterwards, Boymeat came over and told me he had just sprung up to deal with the guy when I had scolded him. “I was surprised that you didn’t tell him that you would kick his ass.”
“Well, I will only threaten something that I will actually do.”

I did not find out about the other jerk until after we left the club. When Hot Chocolate went to the bar to get us waters, she was approached by several guys who spoke to her. One of them told her that he had seen me do a rope bondage scene with a girl where I tied up her hair and cut it off and then shaved her head. This guy was lying, because he has never seen me do a scene like that, because I have never cut anyone’s hair in a scene nor have I shaved anyone’s head in a scene. I think this guy was shit-talking me in order to try to scare her off of me. Hot Chocolate’s response was that she thought that sounded like a very exciting scene. Her answer surprised the guy. That guy gave his card to her and now I have it. So I know who he is.

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  • Viviane

    Wow. (she says, admiringly).

    It was lovely to meet Hot Chocolate.

  • Jocasta

    Hmmm. The last time Zelda had me tied up in the club some guy tried to touch me. Sounds like the same creepy asshole.

  • maymay

    That is pretty bad. Obviously, you handled that situation pretty well, though I have to admit I think you were lenient in even letting him remain so close to your scene when, oftentimes, personal space is a huge element of what makes a scene a scene, in my opinion, and he was clearly violating that.

    That said, I’m glad to have read about this out on the open Internet, for so, so, so many reasons. So thanks for writing it up!

  • Lolita

    Viviane, thank you for allowing me to bring her on Sunday.

    Jocasta, maybe it was the same creepy asshole. Or maybe it wasn’t, because I have seen other creepy assholes at Paddles.

    Maymay, I was lenient because I did not want to start an altercation in the middle of my scene. That might have been worse. But I really think this was pretty bad, because here I am writing about assholes instead of writing more about my hot date.

  • sweet

    I too have issue with people taking up my personal space without an invitation and Paddles is just one place that seems to have an excess of them. I tell them the same thing you did and only once did I have to go to Michael and “press charges”. Some of those guys must really love to be humiliated because it seems that the same set of wankers stroll the club and get turned down week after week. I have also been touched while in scene and besides breaking my space it really pisses me off. Don’t get me started about the people who gab and gab so loudly that they…

  • boakamasterj

    Hi Lolita,

    Hot Chocolate is adorable and your rope scene was very cool. I was sitting off to the side admiring your work.

    Since you bring up “creepy assholes”…

    A couple of weeks ago, I was playing in the back, up against a wall at Paddles, where there is an X frame.

    Since I was a bit in the open I put a chair directly behind me to my right, so that along with my body and the wall, it would make it obvious where the boundery should be.

    The scene was pretty hot and I was biting and molesting etc etc and all of a sudden I feel something right behind me… I turn and there standing INSIDE the chair… maybe 3 inches from me is some idiot! You have to understand, in order for him to fit there, without me having felt him so far, was truly a feat. It took my last nerve to not scream and I sort of angrily told him “MOVE PLEASE… that is what the chair is for”.

    I went back to playing and pulled my partners breasts out of her shirt and just as I did, I see a hand start to creep into my vision from directly behind the chair. It’s the same BOZO and this time he looks at me and says “Can I touch?”.

    Well… being that he was so polite, I didn’t kill him… I just politely turned and said/Screamed “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE… ASSHOLE”.

    Evidently he needed the louder tone to get the hint, as he finally ran off.

    LOL…. we all have these stories… just thought I’s share a recent one 😉

  • Lolita

    Sweet, I was lenient in how I handled the situation because I did not want an altercation during my scene.

    Bo, I am glad that you told this story. It is a problem that many people have. TES used to have Rules of Etiquette at parties. It doesn’t seem to post those or hand those out anymore.

  • Kytherea

    Lolita, I hope others read these posts and know what a drag it is to have a really great scene fucked up by meddling onlookers.

    Jason and I were doing a scene once also at Paddles and although there was a crowd We were both in such space that We hardly knew it. Then I realized there was a drunk couple behind Me making crude comments. Several times, I patiently asked them to move back. I told them I realized they were newbies so I was giving them a second chance and a warning. Then to My total shock, the guy grabs My arm in full swing with a flogger in it and asks Me if his drunk ass wife can “hit” Jason too. While I was dealing with him, I noticed that she had wandered over to Jason who was chained and was reaching out for him. Thankfully Bo was there and stepped in between before I really lost My temper and someone went for Michael who made the couple leave but it took 4 or 5 helpers to get them out. I had to just take Jason down from the H Frame and he went straight to meditation. Our scene was pretty much over then. Such a drag because I’m betting Jason remembers this scene but not because of Me or how he felt, but because of these bothersome onlookers.

    I like to play publicly so I know a certain amount of dealing with people is going to be necessary but I’m just shocked that people don’t have more common sense about scene etiquette.

    Maybe We could do a workshop. I’d be glad to help do it.

    Kytherea

  • maymay

    I like to play publicly so I know a certain amount of dealing with people is going to be necessary but I’m just shocked that people don’t have more common sense about scene etiquette.

    People like that don’t just need etiquette training, they need common sense training.