Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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The Essence of Queer Sex

November 4th, 2014 · 1 Comment


So, I had a date with Casey, who is a regular play buddy of mine. Usually we get together and I hurt her. She has the most beautiful eyes when she suffers. We were staying in Oink and she invited me to get comfortable on her bed so that she could massage my feet. Oh, wow, I was shocked. I had never ever had anyone work on my feet the way that Casey did. Most often it is either too much and it hurts in a bad way, or else it’s too little and feels like a feeble rubbing. This was amazing.

I lay back with one foot in her lap just feeling ecstasy. I moaned and groaned. It seemed like the massage was lasting a long time. But I allowed myself to not worry and just relax and enjoy. I didn’t care about anything except feeling what Casey was doing with my feet. I was being in the moment.

At some point, Barbara walked in from a date and plopped down on her bed, which was next to Casey’s. She took in the scenario, “Wow, you are just taking this and allowing yourself to enjoy it so much.”

I turned to her, “This is the essence of Queer Sex.”

She leaned in a bit closer, “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, heteronormative sex is centered around P.I.V. (Penis In Vagina) sex. Everything else, like any kind of touch, is just foreplay that leads to PIV. And the epitome of PIV sex is the simultaneous orgasm.

“PIV is about two people giving and taking at the same time. Both people are active and passive at the same time. Both are trying to give their partner an orgasm while simultaneously trying to have an orgasm.

“Frankly, I am frustrated by that kind of sex. I can’t fully engage in giving when I am taking it and I can’t fully engage in taking it when I am giving it. I want to concentrate on one or the other.

“Queer Sex allows me to do this. It’s about two people working together towards the same goal: getting one of them off, in whatever way “getting off” is for that person. Queer Sex is I’ll do you and then later, you’ll do me. Later can be just after, or the next morning, or as in the case with me and Casey, we won’t see each other for months in between play dates.

“I have talked to people about sex and so many think that they have to always reciprocate all the time and not just luxuriate in the sensations. They worry that they are being selfish. They worry even if their partner tells them not to worry. What is wrong with being selfish? We are told that being selfish is a bad thing. It’s not. This is about yourself. Allow yourself to enjoy without worrying about the other person. You can worry about the other person next time.”

Tags: Relationships · Sex

1 response so far ↓

  • 1 gilesenglish // Nov 18, 2014 at 4:45 am

    An illuminating post! Where do you see the boundaries of “queer sex” ?

    The asymmetry you describe is very much there in a lot of straight D&S relationships; for example, I might be excited by serving, my mistress may just be enjoying being pampered.

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