Lolita Wolf's Predictions & Predilections

As a BDSM Sex Educator and Author, I don't just talk about it. I do it! And then I write about it.

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June 26th, 2003 · No Comments


June 25, 2003

Volume 9, Number 24

© Copyright 2003 by Lolita Wolf

Material may not be reproduced in whole or in part

without prior written consent of the copyright holder.

The views expressed herein are exclusively those of the

author and do not represent the views of any other

person or any organization with which the author may

be associated.




“Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”

– Benjamin Franklin




I had a great weekend in spite of the rain. Naught

Nancy was in town and did a great workshop at LSM on

Shaving. I am now inspired to buy a straight edge razor.

Neptune thinks I should try to shave a balloon first, but

Nancy said that was a waste and she never did that.

Be afraid, Neptune! The next day, in spite of the rain,

we went motorcycling around Red Hook with Nancy.

Neptune has his license but is still a beginner and will

be until he gets his own bike. We got very wet but

stripped off our clothes and threw them in the dryer.

The rain cleared up for the first half of Folsom but it all

shut down early. I packed up a soggy NCSF outreach

table and headed out to Chinese.




By John Weis

I was a little surprised at the recent outrage at the

P&P for revealing the dirty little secrets of a certain

investigative reporter, and toward me for having the

audacity to suggest wider distribution of that account

in a post to sm-act. “An act of terrorism!” declared one

pseudonymous poster. I feel no vested interest in

outing said reporter, but I am comfortable if others do,

without us going to red alert as a community.

“Outing,” a term coined by Time Magazine in late 1989,

originally meant declaring closeted public figures to be

gay or lesbian, usually for some political purpose.

Hypocrisy was always the rationale for outing.

Outing has always been controversial, and by definition,

non-consensual. It played an important role in the

guerilla politics of the early 1990s and was aimed mostly

towards closeted elected officials who voted against AIDS

funding and/or LGBT initiatives by day, while carousing

gay bars by night.

Nowadays, the expression has been watered-down

and mainstreamed to mean revealing just about anything

without the written consent of the subject – what simply

used to be called gossip. (i.e. She was outed as a Ben

and Jerry’s addict.)

I don’t believe in the politics of personal destruction. I

don’t think the private should become public as a matter

of anger, spite, or revenge. But if you’re a public figure

who denounces, derides, or votes against that which you

gladly participate in privately, I will support the exposure

of your hypocrisy. Period.

Is it “nice”? Of course not, but this isn’t about being

nice. This is about the real world of “fuck with me, and

I’ll fuck with you” and I think there are plenty of

circumstances that arise to that threshold. But for me

the math is simple: public figure + hypocrisy = candidate

for outing.

Maybe I’m more comfortable with the idea then some

because as a gay man I have had more opportunities to

be outraged at self-righteous, duplicitous hypocrites.

Maybe I delight in a little Schadenfreude. Maybe it’s

simply the right thing to do.

I don’t believe there will ever be consensus on the issue.

Regardless, outing – whether it’s the revelation that

morals czar Bill Bennett is a degenerate gambler or that

monogamy maven Andrew Sullivan is trolling for group

sex on the Internet – is here to stay.

For those interested in reading more about “outing,”

I highly recommend “Contested Closets: the Politics

and Ethics of Outing”, by University of Pennsylvania

Professor Larry P. Gross.

**** John Weis is a past president and past chairman

of Gay Male S/M Activists. He’s the founder and chairman

emeritus of the Leather Leadership Conference, he serves

on the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom Foundation

board, and in April 2002 he was appointed to represent

the interests of the 87,479 residents of Manhattan’s

Westside, from 14th Street to 60th Street, as a member

of Community Board 4. ****





The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom applauds the

U.S. Supreme Court ruling striking down the Texas

sodomy law. The justices voted 6-3 to overturn their

1986 decision on Bowers v Hardwick (GA), stating that

the sodomy law is an unconstitutional invasion of privacy

and that by singling out gay people, it violates the

Constitution’s guarantee of equal protection under the


NCSF believes, as the court held today, that state

sodomy laws violate the fundamental privacy rights of

adults in the U.S. These intrusive sodomy laws regulate

the right of consenting adults to engage in sexual

activities such as oral and anal sex as well as playing

with sex toys in their bedroom or in private venues such

as swing clubs or SM playspaces. Our core constituencies

require the right to privacy and equal protection in order

to be free of discrimination, and because consenting

adults have the fundamental right to express their

private sexuality without government interference.

“The state cannot demean their existence or control

their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a

crime,” Justice Kennedy wrote, according to a report from

The Associated Press.

Of the 13 states with sodomy laws, four — Texas,

Kansas, Oklahoma and Missouri — prohibit oral and anal

sex between same-sex couples. The other nine ban

consensual sodomy for everyone: Alabama, Florida, Idaho,

Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina,

Utah and Virginia. Thursday’s ruling apparently invalidates

those laws as well.

“This ruling is a major victory for us all,” stated Eden

Sarfaty, Executive Director of NCSF. “State sodomy laws,

which generally define the act of sodomy as “deviant” sex,

have been on the books of every state as recently as 1960.

Such laws have a significant impact on society in general by

attempting to legislate morality. The U.S. Supreme Court

has sent a strong message today that government has no

right to intrude into our private sexual lives.”




The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) has

named Eden Sarfaty as Executive Director. Sarfaty, a

Washington, DC attorney, is an expert in the area of

legislative and administrative law, with experience in the

management of national associations, lobbying at all

levels of state and federal government, and criminal

defense. He will take the helm from Leigha Fleming,

acting Executive Director, on July 1st, 2003.

“As Executive Director, I look forward to supporting

NCSF’s grassroots mission of advocacy for the

SM-leather-fetish, swing and polyamory communities,”

Sarfaty said. “Our challenges will be to encourage the

energy and focus the resources of our communities to

dispel myths, help get reliable and useful information to

people who need or want it, and to foster the tolerance

and respect that Americans of all kinds so rightly value.”

“Eden is a proven leader and manager with experience

in running national organizations,” stated Vivienne

Kramer, Chairperson of NCSF. “These are qualities that

NCSF needs at this period in our growth. The Board of

Directors’ Search Committee conducted an objective

screening process and interviewed a diverse group of

strong candidates who were eager to work with NCSF.

We chose Eden because of his outstanding skills,

enthusiasm and dedication to fighting for the sexual

freedom of consenting adults.”

NCSF thanks Judy Guerin and Richard Cunningham for

their generous gift to fund the salary of NCSF’s new

executive director for the following six months. With this

donation, Guerin, former Executive Director for NCSF

(1999-2002), continues to demonstrate her long-standing

commitment to NCSF and the alternative sexuality

communities. “Without Judy’s assistance, we would not be

where we are today,” said Kramer.

“I’m delighted that Eden Sarfaty will be coming on

board!” stated Leigha Fleming. “While I’ve been pleased

that I could serve as Interim Executive Director, I’m even

more pleased that I’ll now be able to return my full

attention and focus to the development of NCSF’s

constituency services. We have new programs ready for

release and will be doing national staff training in August.

I’m excited about our new programs and even more

gratified that our we’re seeing greater utilization of our

Incident Response and Law Enforcement Outreach

Programs by members of the SM-leather-fetish, swing

and polyamory communities.”





The third annual Ms World Leather competition will be

held in Dallas TX on the weekend of August 8-10, 2003.

The event starts on Friday August 8 with the meet and

greet at The Dallas Eagle. The event continues on

Saturday with the beginning of the judging. Registrants

for the weekend will have the opportunity see all aspects

of the judging as the judges are seeing it. The weekend

culminates on Sunday with the main event taking place

on Sunday afternoon.

Registration for the weekend is $149 ($89 before June

30, $119 before Aug 1). The complete weekend package

includes Meet and Greet, demos and cocktail parties, MsWL

Reception/ Competitor Basket Auction, vendors, competitor

interviews, Crossfire (press portion of judging), Ms. World

Leather Competition, Victory Toast at the Dallas Eagle,

MsWL Sunday Brunch and .Pin. Registration and info:

The host hotel is the Radisson Hotel Dallas, 1893 West

Mockingbird Lane. A special weekend rate of $59 a night

will be given to individuals who mention Ms World Leather

when they are making their reservations.

Call (214) 634-8850.




A. I am sure you do not remember me, we have

met a couple times, most recently at BR, and I am

interested to hear a bit more about the “coloring books”

you bought at IML, as I am currently waiting for my “little

girl” to move here with me, and as she was not able to

have coloring books as a child, she is more than interested

in having them now, and I want them to have that lovely,

kinky theme if at all possible. If you know where I can

get those, or any other source of coloring books for those

of a leather bent, I would appreciate it. If not, then

thanks for at least reading this.

Q. I don’t know if I would call this coloring book

“lovely, kinky” because it is tough, macho, homosexual,

extreme man meat (perfect for me). It’s called Book Two:

The Hun Coloring Book and it costs $20. It’s poster-sized

so you can take the staples out and hang up your work

when it’s finished. Or you can trace the work if you want

to keep the book pristine. You can do more than just color

with crayons (or pencils or markers), you can add air (or

delete it with whiteout), add tattoos, add clothing, lash

marks, etc. You can add dialogue.

The Hun has a website at but

the website does not have his complete work on it and it

does not have this book. But write to him and he will

know what you are talking about. He’s a really nice guy.

Make sure you tell him you are over 21.




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at an S/m training chateau, living in upstate NY, training

house/personal slaves, guest couples, clients, etc., send

an email, with background skills, to:

925-267B Subscribe to SteelSkys Lifestyle Events:

Subscribe to SteelSkys Leather Playground:

926-269B Saturday July 26 – Libertine Ball V: A Midsummer

Mardi Gras Masquerade – Philadelphia’s sizzling summer

fantasy Ball. Join international performers, players,

deejays, dancers and dungeonmeisters for a fabulous

frolic though our HUGE new venue.18 to enter/ 21 to drink.

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Friday 6.27 NYC

Mother’s March Against AIDS. Assemble at Christopher

Street & Sheridan Square at 7pm. The March will proceed

down Christopher Street to West Street, for speeches, a

Multi faith Prayer service & a presentation by the “Lavender

Light Gospel Quire.” Candles will be provided at no Charge.

Bring a picture of someone you lost to AIDS. Free. Rain or shine.

Info: Lenny Waller (718)-367-7484 or

Beverly Rotter (718)-934-1758

Friday 6.27 NYC

DFS presents “The Japanese Diamond Bondage Workshop”

with SV, aka The Bondagor. Bring rope for this workshop

(25-75 feet will do). You will learn Japanese Diamond

Bondage techniques from start to finish; along with The

Bondagor’s erotic, “Leg Corset.” 7:45pm at Paddles, 250

W 26th St, between 7 & 8 Aves. $8 ($4 for DSF & affiliate

members). Info:

Friday 6.27 Washington, DC

Crucible Open Play 9pm. $30; $20 for members of

Crucible and BDSM orgs, Free for TES Fest Volunteers

(wear your TES Fest staff shirt); $10 for TES Fest

presenters. Info:

Saturday 6.28 NYC

NYC Female slave Forum: “Aging In A D/s or M/s

Relationship.” How does aging affect a D/s or M/s

relationship? What’s different about being a submissive/

slave at 25, 35, 45, 55, etc.? What about being a

Dominant/Master? It’s not just all about achy knees that

may make kneeling difficult or impossible — or the same for

having a strong arm with the flogger. How does the

rhythm of a relationship change with the aging of the

relationship and its partners? What happens if the

Dominant gets ill and the submissive must take the

dominant role? What happens if the submissive becomes

ill ? What if the Dominant leaves her? What happens if

your Master dies and the world see you as aging? What

happens after your grieving and you want to find another

M/s relationship? What happens when aging parents

need our help? How will that impact your M/s relationship?

2-4pm. RSVP for location. Info: 917-470-4738 or

Saturday 6.28 NYC

March with LSM in the Dyke March. Meet at 4:30pm at the

northern lion of the NYC Public Library, 41st St. Just to

clarify, the northern lion is the one that is on the right

when you are facing the library.

Sunday 6.29 NYC

Gay Pride March. This year, Leather/Levi/Fetish groups

are in Section 6. The assembly area for Section 6 is 56th

Street, between 5th and Madison Avenues. We start

lining up at 11:30am and step off at Noon, marching

down 5th Ave and (NEW) turning onto 8th Street and

ending at Chrstopher & Greenwich Sts. Moment of

silence is at 2pm.

This Monday and every Monday Cyberspace

Back by popular demand (maybe not so popular but

surely demanding…): The Eulenspiegel Not Til chat room

on AOL 10pm-Midnight. NOT a TES event but an unofficial

place online where many TES members and friends hang

out and talk. No set topic. It is a good place to ask

questions, debate the answers, ask and receive advice,

compare notes about the scene, gossip about last week,

plan the upcoming week, flirt a little, be serious and not

so serious. On AOL in the Town Square area of the

People Connection in a “member room” – not private:

aol://2719:61-2-Eulenspiegel not til. Add this location

to your Favorite Places Folder so that it’s easy to come


Tuesday 7.1 NYC

TES Meeting: “DS without SM” with Master Stephen and

slave catherine. Is S&M a defining element of D/s

relationships? Do other forms of Dominance and

submission bring an equal degree of satisfaction? Are

these forms mutually exclusive? Sir Stephen and slave

catherine discuss the use of the Service Model in

structuring and maintaining their D/s Household. The

discussion will cover a range of topics including how this

structure evolved for Sir Stephen and slave catherine,

historical perspectives, creating the space for service,

identifying service needs and equipping the servant to

fulfill them, etc. 7:30pm at 75 Bleecker St, just east of

Broadway. $8 ($4 for members of TES and other

SM/leather orgs). Info: 212-388-7022 or

Wednesday 7.2 NYC

TES Singles Group presents “Tit Play” with Master Jim.

$8 ($4 for members of TES and other SM/leather orgs).

Info: 212-388-7022 or




Sometimes we need things like this:

Have fun! Play safe!

Lolita Wolf

Lolita speaking only for Lolita, of course!

Tags: P+P Newsletter

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